HSWG FINDS THE WALDO RAPIST!

HSWG EXCLUSIVE!

Thanks to AWESOME HSWG TIPSTERS, the HipSuburban-Crimesolver/RAMhogger has tracked down the Waldo Rapist!

Using my Google Goggles to scan the composite police sketch of the suspect gleaned from eyewitness testimony from the victims, I have EXCLUSIVELY identified the most likely suspect and DEMAND that he be IMMEDIATELY ARRESTED!

Here is the police sketch I scanned with my AWESOME CRIMESOLVING TOOLS!

Here is the result of my AWESOME CRIMESOLVING SKILLZ!



Fucking Seal!

BASTARD!

Remember, you heard it here first.

Let's nail this fucker!

No Glasses For You!

So, I'm 54 years old, and the list of things I can't see worth a shit is growing beyond my ability to self-medicate via store bought reading glasses.

I've got reading glasses scattered all over my house and my office. I can't read a goddamn thing without glasses.

I doubt that any of them are the same strength and I strongly suspect that I'm causing myself more harm than good.

Everytime I get a text message on my phone, I have to put on my fucking reading glasses.

Anytime I want to send a text, I have to put on my fucking reading glasses.

It's as annoying as fuck.

Since my eyesight is obviously failing like a motherfucker, I make an appointment with an optomitrist. I want some stylish fucking glasses that correct my overall vision problems across the board so I don't have to keep self-medicating with Walmart reading glasses scattered all over the fucking place.

So Dr. Eyeballs does his shit and guess what? I have 20/20 vision! I don't need prescription lenses.

The only thing wrong with my eyes is that I'm 54 fucking years old and I need reading glasses just like every one else my age!

Worst case, I would have looked more like this...



and less like this...



Either way, would have been a win/win.

But now it's back to square one. I have perfect vision.

Fuck my life

.

Journalism Isn't Racism

So there is a serial rapist loose in the Waldo area. At least 5 women have been assaulted. This is the police sketch of the suspect based on descriptions provided by the victims.



A small handfull of vocal, egotistical, self-important, pseudo-journalist wannabes have been crying crocidile tears over the fact that 5 white women being raped by an African-American assailant is getting more news coverage and more public outrage than the murder rate in Kansas City's urban core, even though it's about average for all cities in the U.S. and not that remarkable.

Perhaps these screaming harpies need a remedial course in the definition of what contitutes "news".

In the broadest sense, "news" is simply a report of recent events.

Hundreds of years ago, in small communities, the news could be quite comprehensive. It would include not just crime and politics, but local residents who recieved out of town visitors and which crops local farmers were planting in hopes of a bountiful fall harvest.

But as the world grew larger and more complex, it simply wasn't possible to report everything all the time. Judgements had to be made. Editors had to make choices on which news stories got reported and which ones didn't.

Which stories have the biggest impact on the most people?

Which stories do people need to know about to protect themselves?

Which stories represent a departure from the norm?

The old cliche' rule of thumb was "If a dog bites a man, that's not news because it happens all the time. If a man bites a dog, THAT'S NEWS!"

So when a number of women report having their homes broken into and being raped in a neighborhood where that doesn't normally occur, that's news.

Why? Because it is not a common occurence.

When Waldo residents raise Reward Money and organize self defense classes and bring in safety experts to hold seminars, that's news.

Why? Because it's not a common occurence.

But sadly, when young males in the urban core gun each other down because of gang-violence, drug-deals gone bad, or some percieved "disrespect", it's not news.

Why? Because it's a common occurence.

It's doesn't have a huge impact on a large number of people, it isn't something that most people (who aren't involved in gangs or drugs or thugs) need to know to protect themselves, and tragically, it's not a departure from the norm.

Bloggers (like me) have the luxury of making a big deal about something that very few people care about.

Professional News Organizations that have to hire PROFESSIONAL, college educated and accredited reporters, pay for satellite vans and helicopters and fact checkers (in order to have any sort of credibility) and advertising staff to sell ads that pay for all of that overhead and still find a way to turn a profit don't have the luxury of doing in-depth reporting on common, everyday occurences.

They have to reserve their limited reporting resources and space to those things that people need to know about, but don't.

Everyone knows that if you are a young male involved in criminal activity in the urban core, you have a high probability of getting yourself dead. So that's not newsworthy.

Very few people know that if you are a young female in Waldo with locked doors and windows you can still be raped. When that, in fact, does occur 5 times in a short period of time...that's newsworthy.

That's not racism. It's sound, journalistic and editorial discretion.

I Love My Little Android

No, not Data. Although Brent Spiner is quite a fetching lad.

No, I'm talking about my new 3G smart phone. Now I know all y'all motherfuckers have been playing with your fancy phones for a long time and I'm late to the game. But Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket! This fucker is amazing!



"My God. It's full of apps!"

It's really unfair to even call this thing a phone since being a phone represents such a small percentage of what it actually does.

The Google Maps Navigation may be my favorite app. Yeah, I know, Garmin and Tom Tom have been doing it for years. But Google and the Android step it up a notch. Incredible voice recognition, integration with my phonebook, layering of satellite and traffic, Google street views as you approach your destination. And the turn by turn voice director has a saucy little British accent that I find very appealing.

I also have a Light Saber.

And a Tricorder.

And a rotary dialer.



But I have a few enhancements I would like to see in the next version of Google Navigator. To wit:

I want to be able to plot a route on my desktop and export it to my phone and have Google Map Navigation import it.

I want to be able to ask my Google Navigator questions. "Where is the closest gas station?"

I want to be able to program in preferences like "Science Museums" or "Full Contact Strip Clubs with $10 Lap Dances" and have the Navigator alert me when I'm near one.

As much as I love my sultry little computerized British wench, I would like to be able to download alternate navigation voices. I'm thinking John Cleese. Ricky Gervais. James Earl Jones.

I want a navigation voice with an attitude!

I like letting my GPS unit pick a route, and then I intentionally take a different route.

I like listening to a soul-less, heart-less, unemotional robotic voice telling me what to do as I completely ignore it and go where I want and do what I want.

It's just like being married again!

But the voice is too passive! I think after 3 "Off Route. Re Routing" attempts the software should say "OK, fuck you asshole, you're on you're own! I hope you get lost, shanked and ass-fucked in the ghetto! You don't deserve modern technology you Amish motherfucker! Take me back to Best Buy!"

The only thing that could make it better (I'm looking at you 4G developers), is if it were implanted in my brain and the data was projected directly onto my retinas like a fucking heads up display (HUD).

Hook me up, bitches! Brain implants, genetic modification, stem cell therapy, instant evrything. It's 2010! Fix my shit! I want it all and I want it now.

Why I Despise The Olympics and Sports In General

Competition.

Winning at all costs.

Hubris.

Narcissism.

Every single Olympic athlete you see over the next 2 weeks, whether they win or lose, has maintained a single-minded focus on winning for YEARS.

Friends, took 2nd place.

Financial responsibility, took 2nd place. In fact, they became a financial black hole for every family member and sponsor they could find.

Education, took 2nd place.

Relationships, took 2nd place.

Family took 2nd place.

Nothing in this entire world was more important to them than winning every single competition and proving to the world that they were better than everyone else at what they do.

That is some pathological fucked-uppedness right there.

There is nothing to be admired about someone who is totally absorbed in themselves and their own pursuits to the exclusion of everything else.

These aren't role models.

They are text book examples of how NOT to be a caring, well rounded, productive member of society.

Perhaps you sports fans can enlighten me.

Out of all the Olympic medalists in history, how many have cured a disease, sheltered a homeless person, fed the hungry, made a scientific breakthrough that changed the world for the better?

If we took all of the money in the world that is WASTED on sports and poured it into basic scientific research in life sciences and physics, we would have all of the energy we could ever use, everyone could live forever and no one would have to go without the basic necessities of life.

The only bigger waste of time, energy, emotions, finances and resources in the world is organized religion.

But don't get me started on that!

Yeah, Why Should You Have To Pay Anything?

(photo "borrowed" from The Pitch - I promise to give it back when I'm done)

I don't usually write about local politics. I used to play in that sandbox from time to time, but then a small herd of feral alleycats started treating it like their own personal literbox and now the stench of stupid from their foul and fetid droppings is strong enough to knock a buzzard off a gut-wagon at 100 paces.




So I tend to stay away. But I think I can toss this in from a safe distance and run away before being tainted.

Although I wouldn't say no to a little taint from time to time. Just sayin'.

But I digress.

Let me get to the fucking point.

I'm no sports fan. I could give a flying fuck at a rolling donut whether this town has ANY sports teams at all. Big, dumb, spoiled, violent jocks getting paid millions of dollars to hurt each other and disappoint their paying customers isn't a spectacle I take any pleasure in.

But today, I saw this story about how Kansas City Mayor Mark Funkhouser is no longer willing to pony-up a couple of million dollars a year to help fund the Jackson County Sports Complex, which includes Arrowhead Stadium, home of the Kansas City Chiefs, and Kauffman Stadium, home of the Kansas City Royals.



Fair enough. Kansas City isn't under any contractual obligation to support the sports complex. As I understand, I believe it's always been a "gentleman's agreement" generally understood to benefit everyone.

But if Kansas City isn't going to contribute anything at all to the sports complex, then why the fuck should the Chiefs and Royals be saddled with the name of a city that doesn't want them?

I say the teams change their names to the Jackson County Chiefs and the Jackson County Royals.

Fuck a bunch of Kansas City.

Iran and U.S. Relations 102: Accountability

I hadn't planned on doing another Iran post, but the best friend I've never met and one of my favorite long-time commenters, "I Travel for JOOLS" left a comment that deserved a larger response.

Here is her comment:

"After reading all this, I guess I'd sum it up as saying the reason for Iran's behavior is what America has done to them. Sort of "God damn America", to quote a well known preacher. So, that must be why they hate Israel and threaten to wipe them off the face of the earth. So that's why they are in defiance of the U.N. with uranium enrichment. So that's why the 12th IMAM is returning.

"The 12th Imam: Why Is This Especially Important Now?
While Christians look for Jesus’ 2nd coming, the Jews await the Messiah and Muslims await the 12th Imam. Mr. Ahmadinejad, and his cabinet, say they have a ‘signed contract’ with al Mahdi in which they pledge themselves to his work. What does this work involve? In light of concerns over Iran’s nuclear capabilities, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has reportedly stated Israel should be wiped off the map. He spoke to the United Nations in September ’05. During that speech he claims to have been in an aura of light and felt a change in the atmosphere during which time no one present could blink their eyes. Iran’s PM is also said to have spoken in apocalyptic terms and seems to relish conflict with the West whom he calls the Great Satan. This is while he proclaims he must prepare the world for the coming Mahdi by way of a world totally under Muslim control. He is working hard to bring about the world-wide horrors that must be in place for their al Mahdi to bring peace."

It doesn't matter what we do or say. It is enough we exist."

Let me address the 12th Imam references first. I'm well aware that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is a fucking nut job who thinks it is his destiny to speed the return of the 12th Imam. Because I blogged about it back in 2006.

I found it every bit as frightening as the neo-conservatives surrounding Bush who believed that it was THEIR destiny to speed the return of Jesus.

It's always scary when people who are capable of believing in a bunch of supernatural, apocalyptic bullshit are allowed to assume a position of power. Because I'm here to tell ya, ain't none of that shit ever gonna happen.

Jesus ain't coming back and neither is the 12th Imam. That's all fairy tales and nursery rhythms.

What is very, very real is that actions have consequences.

Let me ask you a question. Why do you view Iran as an enemy of the United States and why are you so afraid that they will develop nuclear weapons?

Do you view them as our enemy just because they exist? Do you view them as our enemy because you are jealous of them and you want what they have?

Because I know a little bit about you I'm going to take the liberty of saying "No", that's not why you view them as an enemy. You are a rational person. You view them as our enemy because they openly threaten us and our friends!

You're a smart lady. You see where I'm going here. Do you really think that Iran and other nations who oppose us and threaten us do so just because we exist? Because, as Bush used to be fond of saying "They hate us because of our freedom!".

No. It's not that simple.

Iran views us an an enemy because we have behaved as their enemy. We facilitated a coup of their democratically elected Prime Minister, replaced him with a ruthless dictator and helped install a Secret Police organization that tortured and imprisoned Iranian citizens! Figuring out why they don't like us isn't rocket science. It doesn't require invoking Jesus and Imams.

As far as Iran wanting to wipe Israel from the face of the Earth, Israel's neighbors have been vowing to do that since it came into existence. That's not unique to Iran. And I'm not talking about the post Holocaust creation of modern Israel in 1948.

I'm talking about the ORIGINAL Israel. The one that used to be the Land of Canaan. The one populated by the Canaanites.

In the Old Testament Yahweh told the Jewish people that he was giving them the Land of Canaan and they should go in and take it from the Canaanites.

That was their "legal claim". God gave it to us so it's ours. Needless to say this didn't sit well with the Canaanites and their neighbors.

Fast forward to 1948. Replace "Yahweh" with "The United Nations" and Canaan with Palestine.

The names have changed, but the political and emotional dynamics are exactly the same.

Now, forcible land grabs are not unique to Israel. Forcible land grabs are what define the world we live in. Every nation on the planet is either the beneficiary or victim of multiple forcible land grabs. If you are reading this from anywhere within the United States, you are the beneficiary of forcible land grabs.

So it's a legitimate question to ask why this one particular land grab by the Jewish people should be such a long lasting source of hostility.

Blame religion.

In His Infinite, Infallible Wisdom, the God of Abram convinced him that there was only One True God. Abram accepted this God and became Abraham.

Abraham had 2 sons, Isaac and Ishmael.

Yahweh ordered Abraham to sacrifice his son to prove his devotion to Him.

According to scripture, Abraham acted in good faith, took his son to the mountain, tied him up and was ready to kill him when Yahweh produced a magical lamb, told Abraham he had proved himself, he could sacrifice the lamb instead of his son and that Abraham and Yahweh would be eternal pals. Yahweh would bless Abraham's descendants and make them a Great Nation.

Jews and Christians claim descent from Isaac through his son Jacob (also known as Israel).

Muslims claim descent from Ishmael.

Jews and Christians say it was Isaac who was bound on the rock and about to be sacrificed.

Muslims claim it was Ishmael whom God spared.

Thus began the most violent and epic real estate battle known to man.

My contention has always been that if The Land of Canaan is the birthplace of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, the true birthplace of humanity's 3 greatest monotheistic religions, and if that One True God is real, shouldn't this be the most blissful, peaceful and awe inspiring place on the planet? If God is All Powerful, shouldn't His/Her Holy Land be a place where all hatred is rendered powerless and every Pilgrim feels at peace?

How does an All Powerful God allow the Holiest Place on the planet to be up for grabs to whoever has the least holiest intentions?

Sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me.

So, back to the Iranian situation.

Iran wants to wipe Israel from the face of the Earth because as Muslims (descendants of Ishmael), they think God gave Canaan to them and view the modern Jewish state as thieves and usurpers.

The Jews (descendants of Isaac), they think God gave Canaan to them and they were able to use the post-Holocaust environment to rally world support to give it to them as a permanent homeland to prevent another Holocaust.

Christians, especially American fundamentalist Christians, back the Jewish claim because Christians are basically a Jewish sect twice removed. They have an entire eschatology based on the fate of Israel.

So the God of Abraham is responsible for this mess. He promised the same thing to three different groups and watched them all fight over the spoils in His name.

I suspect that "Yahweh/Jesus/Allah" may in fact be a Trickster.

Like Loki.

"In Norse mythology, Loki is known as a trickster. He is described in the Prose Edda as a "contriver of fraud". Although he doesn’t appear often in the Eddas, he is generally described as a member of the family of Odin. Despite his divine or demi-god status, there's little evidence to show that Loki had a following of worshippers of his own; in other words, his job was mostly to make trouble for other gods, men, and the rest of the world."

I don't know of any other explanation of The God of Abraham that makes any sense. If he exists at all (which I deny), he must be a Trickster.

Actions have consequences.

Every actor is accountable for their actions.

Iran and U.S. Relations 101: For The Historically And Geographically Challenged

You hear newscasters talking about Iran a lot.

Mostly about that sawed-off little bat-shit crazy president of theirs, Achmed Iwantadinnerjacket or whatever the fuck his name is.





You get that Iran and the U.S. don't like each other and you understand that Iran getting nukes would probably be bad news.

But do you really understand where they fit into the geo-political scheme of things? Do you know why our relationship with Iran is a bit, um, strained?

If you're an American, prolly not. But that's OK. I'm here to help.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE U.S./IRAN RELATIONSHIP

The United States first established diplomatic relations with Iran during the Anglo-Persian War in 1856. For the turbulent, convoluted and Machievellian history of the region up until that time, you should google "The Great Game".

In 1909 Howard Baskerville, an American Presbyterian missionary in Tabriz became Iran's General Lafayette during the Constitutional Revolution. He died in battle fighting the Royalists in Mohammad Ali Shah's elite Cossak Brigade. This American is still a revered figure in Iran.


So things started off really good! Until after WWII and the start of the Cold War.

In all honesty, Iran started this shit.

We had been mostly good to them for 100 years, gang-raping their oil fields and giving them the occasional reach-around. That's how business was conducted in those days and everyone pretended to be happy about it.

But then in 1953, their Prime Minister Mossadegh and his National Front party got all "uppity" and decided to nationalize the country's oil industry.


In this context, "nationalize" means to "steal back". Foreign oil companies from the United States, Britain, and every other country who needed oil were going at Iran's oil fields like a bunch of frat boys at a $2 whore.

So Mossadegh said "All of that infrastructure you built to extract our oil? Yeah, that all belongs to us now. Fuck you. Buh bye".

As you can imagine, that didn't sit very well with the U.S. oil companies and the U.S. government (I'm sorry, was that redundant?).

So in 1953, the U.S. and Great Britain get together in the American Embassy in Tehran (waypoint this location in your GPS for later) and go into cahoots with the C.I.A. to oust the democratically elected Mossadegh, aborting Iran's attempt at democracy, and replace him with Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, a.k.a The Shah of Iran.


Between 1953 and 1957, the C.I.A. works closely with The Shah's regime to create the SAVAK, the Iranian secret police who brutally supressed, tortured, and jailed without due process any political disidents.

He was our bitch.


We didn't have any problem with HIM buiding nukes.


The Shah of Iran was Iran's Saddam Hussein with the political and financial backing of the United States. This relationship lasted for 20 years.

Until the oil embargo of 1973 when OAPEC (Organization of Arab Petroleum Exporting Countries consisting of the Arab members of OPEC, plus Egypt, Syria and Tunisia) proclaimed an oil embargo "in response to the U.S. decision to re-supply the Israeli military" during the Yom Kippur war; it lasted until March 1974.

Oil quadrupled from $3.00 a barrel to $12.00 a barrel. The price of a gallon of gas in the U.S. went from .38 cents a gallon to .55 cents a gallon! Panic ensued! Lines formed! Tempers flared!


The Nixon and Ford administration advisors Henry Kissinger, Brent Scowcroft and Donald Rumsfeld implored their homeboy the Shah to break ranks with OPEC and lower the cost of oil.

The Shah said, "Um, no. Fuck you. High oil prices are good for Iran and good for me. So long, and thanks for the coup!"

Fucker went ROGUE like a proto Sarah Palin! I do what I want!

The U.S. withdrew support for the Shah which paved the way for the 1979 Islamic Revolution which overthrew the Shah and replaced him with the fundamentalist Islamic Republic led by the formerly exiled Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

The Iranian revolutionaries go apeshit, storm the American Embassy in Tehran (remember that location from 1953?) take 53 Americans hostage and hold them for 444 days! Queue Ted Koppel.

The hosages are held captive for the rest of the Carter administration.

The very day Reagan was inaugurated, the hostages were being released and boarding airplanes headed for home.

It was largely believed at the time that this Iranian change of heart was because they viewed Reagan as a really tall, bat-shit crazy, right-wing nut-job who might let loose the nuclear dogs of war because he was a stupid B-movie actor who lacked the intellect to distinguish reality from a Hollywood movie script.

Between Reagan and Iwantadinnerjacket, the relationship simmered at a low boil.

Then al Queda dropped the Twin Towers on 9/11 and the Bush administration tried to lump everyone they could into the Axis of Evil, we invaded Afghanistan, then Iraq. A massive influx of U.S. military forces invaded the Middle East. We've been there for 8 years now. Longer than any other war in American history. Ever!

So, back to the topic of Iran and U.S. relationships. Why on earth would Iran be so beligerant all the time and want to pursue nuclear weapons?

Sometimes, a picture truly does speak a thousand words.


We have Iran SURROUNDED with Marines, Air Force, Navy, National Guard, Mercenary Contractors, European allies, heavily armed unmanned aerial drones, robots, cruise missles and nukes.

So is it any wonder that Iran might feel threatened by us, "get their back up" and flip us off?

When you invade and surrround an enemy with hundreds of thousands human and robotic soldiers, and you have decades of subterfuge and nefarious shenanigans between you, don't be so surprised when that enemy becomes alarmed and responds in a hostile manner.

If you read this far, you get an A+ whether you agree with me or not. I'm one of "those" instructors.

This Is How Gay I Am

This was my bachelor kitchen before my weekend project.


This is my bachelor kitchen AFTER my weekend project.



I think it adds a warm ambience.

The High Road Is A Lonley Path

::: sigh :::

Here I just went and deleted a comment on my blog for the FIRST TIME EVER in an attempt to protect Alonzo Washington's privacy, and what has he been up to in the meantime?

This:

February 4, 2010 - Thursday

Blogger: Hip White Guy sounds upset/ Call me!

"KC & Hip White Guy,

I linked to one of my cowardly hater's blogs that had a negative comment about me. He was so upset about it that he did a bigger blog about me. I always try to highlight the negative things people say about me so that the public can see what it is like to be vocal in the community. It has good moments and bad moments. I wanted this dork to see my power. I linked to his blog that no one reads and it turned up on the TKC & the KC Crime Scene blogs. It took me to get this lame some attention. Without me he is nobody. I don't really care what anyone says about me unless they have some nuts to say it face to face. This cat has never helped anyone in his life on a major level like I have and do all of the time. He tries to downplay my greatness by saying I just take tips and that I have no police training. That's funny because the police who would not listen to the Precious Doe tipster had police training. They did not solve the case. The whole KCMO Police Homicide Unit had police training and they did not move on a good tip. I asked for the mother's DNA of Precious Doe from the tipster and I challenged the police in the media to test it. That's the only thing that solved the case. That's way bigger than just taking a tip nerd. You will never do anything that great in your life. Keep in mind it was not luck. The first week I opened this Myspace page I solved the murder of a White marine named Jeffrey Dunham. Yes I got a tip that the police had been trying to get for a whole year. However, that was not enough to solve the case alone. They kept asking me to contact the tipster and get more from the tipster. The police needed a witness to make the charges stick. The tipster would not say who was in the car with him. Yet, the tipster told me that a person in the car was a big sports figure at a college and he did not want to risk his future being associated to the case. The cop wanted more and needed more to close the case. I scanned my tipster's friends list on Myspace a figured out who the witness was. The cops got him to talk after I told them that this guy would sing because he had a big future at risk. The case was only solved because of me. The cops had nothing. I have done this on many other cases. I have done it too many times to write about boy. Ad Hoc has never done what I have done and this jerk (Hip White Guy) never will. Batman has never solved a murder case because he is a fictional character dummy. I wonder does this fool know that. I have a website for my comic book company. The Myspace thing is just and way to help people. It's is meant to be loose. That's why I have over a half a million readers. Plus it works. Hip White Guy it's no biggie. Just call me today and we can meet and talk about this. I know you are a weak punk. Let's meet up and we can talk about what your problem is with me. That way you won't have to write such a long @$s blog about me. Grow some balls and meet me somewhere. Here is my number (913) 321-6764. Call me. KC read this blog. I think it is funny. This guy is telling me to do what I all ready do. I have put a number of crooks in jail. Furthermore, I don't do vigils. That's Ad Hoc! I guess he thinks all Black people look alike. The post is full of lies. I really don't think this dude knows what I do. I have gotten so many people to come forward with tips. I convinced the tipster who dropped dime on Shauntey Henderson to come forward. I guess this guy is going to have to start promoting me on his blog. All that he is saying I should do I have done. Hip White Guy you are a joke! Hip White Guy check the photo above. That's me turning in a criminal suspect who surrendered to me via my Myspace page. Yeah, it did not take police training to do that pr*ck. I am walking him up the steps of the downtown KCMO Police Department. I have pictures of what I do. You most likely only have pictures of yourself jacking off. I am big you are nothing. My crimefighting has made local, national & international headlines. What you do is all in you head. Call me if you want to meet coward. I like blog beefs. It makes a lot of people read your site. Hip White get ready for a lot of new readers.

Alonzo Washington"

And this:

Blogger: Hip White Guy is a punk & coward!!!

"KC,

I asked this weak girly man to call me since he had so much to say on his blog about me and guess what? He did not call. I am guessing a yellow streak went up his booty when I told him we could meet in person. I just wanted to see what his problem was. Maybe just talk some things out in person. However, he is not too brave when he is not typing on his blog. People who talk crap from a distant are cowards. I guess this jerk is not too hip after all. This dude would never talk crap to me in person. He is a little b*tch!

Peace,

Alonzo Washington"

I think he demonstrates exactly what I meant when I apparently started this by calling him a "self-serving, self-promoting, useless fucktard".

I rest my case.

Alonzo, I didn't call you because I don't trust an attention whore like you with my phone number.

Every single work day, you can find me strolling through the financial district, mulling the mysteries of the cosmos. You want to meet me? Come and find me.

I'll buy you lunch.

That Was A First

I just deleted a comment from my blog.

I've never, ever, deleted or edited a comment before so I feel I need to explain why I did it.

The comment I removed was on my post about Alonzo Washington and was from an anonymous commentor (I don't get many of those) who mostly agreed with everything I said, so it wasn't about stifling discussion.

The problem that I had was that the comment contained what appeared to be Alonzo's home address.

Now, I'm sure his address is readily available elsewhere and he's such an attention whore I wouldn't be surprised to see a huge spotlight shooting into the night sky from his front yard.

But in the context of a blog post by me where I'm dogging the guy, I felt like it was inappropriate to have his address published in that manner.

I was just fucking with the guy 'cause I was bored. Just having some fun at the expense of a local douche nozzle that virtually everyone laughs at.

But I'm not out to fuck up his shit by handing out is street address to any wack job who happens to stumble in to my joint looking for trouble.

So that's what I did, that's why I did it, and that will be my policy going forward. Any comment containing SOMEONE ELSES personal information will get deleted.

That is all.

As you were.

Return to your homes.

Show's over.

Nothing to see here.

More Proof That Dick Cheney Is Full Of Shit

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Nigerian suspect in a failed Christmas Day airliner bombing turned against the cleric who claims to be his teacher and has helped the U.S. hunt for the radical preacher, a law enforcement official said Thursday.

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the 23-year-old Nigerian who faces terrorism charges in the Christmas bombing, has been cooperating with the FBI for days, providing information about his contacts in Yemen and the al-Qaeda affiliate that operates there.

Abdulmutallab agreed to cooperate after FBI flew to Nigeria and returned to the U.S. with Abdulmutallab's family members. In a federal prison cell outside Detroit, Abdulmutallab's father and uncle persuaded him to cooperate with the FBI, according to a U.S. official briefed on the talks who also spoke on condition of anonymity to discuss the ongoing case.

So, he wasn't flown to GITMO and held without charges?

He wasn't subjected to torture?

He wasn't waterboarded?

No "enhanced interogation" techniques were used?

Just a criminal arrest, the FBI was allowed to do it's job, he was given his Miranda rights, he was allowed to get a lawyer, and he is spilling his guts like he's commiting seppuku. He's singing like Taylor Fucking Swift!

So the American Criminal Justice system really does work better than some cobbled together simulation of a banana republic military dictatorship!

Who saw THAT coming?!?

Close GITMO.

Bring them all to the U.S.

File criminal charges and try them in court or let them go.

Oh No He Di'n't!

It appears that Alonzo Washington took issue with me referring to him as a "self-serving, self-promoting, useless fucktard" in my last post.

Jeez Louise! So sensitive! I thought Crime Fighters were tougher than that!

Superman wouldn't get all pissy if somebody called HIM names.

Now Batman, on the other hand, will break his cock off in your busted up ass if you go talkin' shit about him! Motherfucker's got some anger issues!

But I know Batman. Batman's a friend of mine. And you, Alonzo, are no Batman.

Anyway, Alonzo decided to Take Me To Task on his (ahem) "blog" on MySpace (tee hee).

He starts by STEALING MY FUCKING CONTENT!

You see, in the blogosphere, there is a Gentleman's Agreement. One does not copy someone else's intellectual property and paste it on their own site. Well, except for pictures, videos, music, porn...

But I digress.

The Rules of The Information Super Highway suggest that the correct thing to do is to provide a hyperlink back to the source of the content you are referencing. Like this. If you do that, you may engage in a little Fair Use sampling of the content.

But this motherfucker copies my ENTIRE POST, pictures and all, and just pasted it on to his piece of shit MySpace page!

I THOUGHT STEALING WAS A CRIME!

Now, why would I refer to him as a "self-serving, self-promoting, useless fucktard" in the first place and risk incurring His Wrath?

Let's look at what he had to say and see if we can figure this one out.

"Here is a blog about violence from one of my many haters that I have never met. You know the guys who talk crap from their blogs for no reason other than to try to cash in on my spotlight."

Guffaw! Your "spotlight"! Don't you mean candlelight? Because that solves everything, right? Candlelight vigils.

"This cat is talking about how there is no such thing as random violence and he may be right. Because if he keeps using my name on his blog and I SEE THIS COWARD I MAY KICK HIS @$s."

Ahahahahahaha! I'm a fearless man, Alonzo! I'm not scared of you or anyone else. I have powers far beyond those of mortal men!

To his credit, Alonzo quickly backpedaled from the violence angle.

"Nah! This country f*ck is not worth it. Violence is never the answer. Let this be a lesson to all the kids who watch me. I never try to fight cowards with big mouths from a distant. I have thousands of them. If these people really wanted some drama they would say what they had to say to me face to face. Cats like this don't have the balls to do anything like that."

:: sigh ::

Dude, I will be more than happy to tell you you are a "self-serving, self-promoting, useless fucktard" to your face. Kind of an awkward scenario for a first meeting, but whatevies.

What are you going to do? Hit me? Stab me? Shoot me? Wouldn't assaulting me kind of blow the whole "Crime Fighter" fantasy thing you have going on?

The worst thing you could do to me and stay out of jail would be to throw me a "stern look" and a give me a "serious talking to". Bring it BITCH!

Oh, and before I forget, "country fuck"?!? Dude, I only lived in Ray County for like 7 years out of 54! At best, I'm a "recovering country fuck". Appreciate it if you climbed down outta my ass about the "country" shit.

I'll have you know that at my core, I'm a debonair, sophisticated, urbane metro-sexual.

But once again, I digress.

Let's wrap this shit up. I have laundry to do and a pizza to make.

"However, if they do it is best to avoid a fight. However, if they touch you make them regret it. That's what I do and that's why no one touches me. Read what this jerk had to say about violence. The blog is not bad until he mentions my name. It seems like all the White bloggers attack me for no reason. I collect tips on murder victims of all races. I wonder why these people love putting me in their blogs. They must be jealous of the fact that so many people know me and I can really make a difference in this hell hole. Just face it haters. Everyone can't be like the one and only KC Crimefighter. So keep hating. Your hate only make me work harder and that makes haters more jealous."

Dude, starting two sentences in a row with "However" is bad form. Dude, you need an editor. But I could use an editor too. No shame. I use the word "just" too much. The first step is just admitting you have a problem. Oops.

"I collect tips on murder victims of all races."

And here we get to the crux of the matter.

You like to call your self a "Crime Fighter", like you are really Omega Man or something.



But all you fucking do is collect tips!

You're not a detective, are you? You don't have any investigative or law enforcement training, do you? Do you apply deductive reasoning to possible scenarios, motives and suspects who might be involved in a particular crime to arrive at the most likely conclusion?

Do you take fingerprints? Do you have a DNA lab? Do you perform autopsies? Do you collect evidence? Do you interrogate people?

No. You collect fucking tips.

There is an 800 number that "collects tips".

The Ad Hoc Group Against Crime "collects tips".

So, Alonzo, what is it, exactly, that you bring to the "crime fighting" table that no one else brings?

What possible basis can you have for being so full of yourself that you can make bold, self-serving, self-promoting, useless statements like this:

"They must be jealous of the fact that so many people know me and I can really make a difference in this hell hole. Just face it haters. Everyone can't be like the one and only KC Crimefighter."

Seriously, Alonzo?

If you REALLY want to make a difference, if you REALLY want to be a Crimefighter, you should be Johnny On The Spot at every crime scene encouraging the crime victims to snitch like a motherfucker!

Fuck a bunch of candlelight vigils and BIG CASH MONEY for anonymous "tips".

If you are serious about fighting crime, convince the victims to cooperate with the police. Give descriptions. Give up names and addresses. Identify perps in line-ups. Testify in court and put some criminal motherfuckers in JAIL!

If you start doing that, I will be your biggest champion! I will mention you and link to you as often as I can.

But if all you are going to do is passively collect tips and try to convince people you are all that and a bag of chips? Fuck you.

You want to fight crime? Pay somebody to create a REAL BLOG for you, because that MySpace abomination of yours is a fucking crime against The Internet.

It takes longer to load your website than it does to solve a murder!

At the next annual meeting of "The Man" at a secure, undisclosed location somewhere deep under the mountains of Switzerland, I may have to petition Al Gore and Vint Cerf to officially SANCTION you!

From a purely technological standpoint, content and intent aside, your "blog" is the most horrendous, RAM hogging, useless piece of shit I have ever linked to.

Jesus Fucking Christ man, there are people with mad internet skillz who can fix that shit.

Pay 'em. Do it.

Peace out, Girl Scout!

Random Violence My Ass!

Let me be crystal fucking clear about this.

There is no such thing as "random violence".

Nobody pulls a gun and shoots somebody for no reason.

There is always a reason and the victim always knows who shot them and why.

Maybe they pissed somebody off.

Maybe they ripped somebody off.

Maybe they fucked some body's wife or girlfriend.

Maybe they were involved in some criminal activity.

Maybe they were being stupid.

Maybe they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But there is ALWAYS a fucking reason and it is NEVER random!

Here are XO's Common Sense Rules to NOT getting a "random" cap popped in yo ass.

1. Don't be parked in a car east of Troost "minding your own business" in the middle of the fucking night.

2. Don't go to a club at 39th and Jackson.

3. Don't be drunk, belligerent and eating burritos from a taco truck at 27th & Southwest Boulevard at 3:30 in the fucking morning.

4. Don't make a drug deal where you take $500 and give the buyer rock salt.

5. Don't associate with people who are actively involved in criminal activities.

6. Don't cop an attitude with someone with a string of teardrop tattoos that start at the eye and disappear beneath the wife-beater shirt.

7. If you are a white, 17 year old suburban kid, don't think that wearing hip-hop clothes and playing loud rap music from your mom's BMW gives you a free pass to drive through the ghetto acting all cool. You WILL get killed. Deservedly so. Good riddance.



8. Don't be a roving band of white libertarian activists looking to stir up some shit.

9. Resist the tempting allure of those sultry, seductive, toothless, Independence Avenue crack whores.


10. Don't be a dick.

Don't be a reckless fucking idiot doing things you shouldn't do, being places you shouldn't be and hanging out with dangerously stupid people and you might avoid being a victim of "random violence".

If everyone would follow these simple rules, self-serving, self-promoting, useless fucktards like Alonzo Washington would have nothing to talk about.