It's a No Brainer

I hear reports all the time about how people who find themselves suddenly unemployed are having difficulty getting through to their state Unemployment offices.

The Unemployment office websites are locking up and crashing.

Trying to get someone on the phone can involve sitting on hold for hours, often resulting in a maddening dropped call forcing you to start all over.

Benefits are slow in coming or are denied, forcing you to the website or phone to appeal. See above.

So here's the way my mind works. See if you can follow this convoluted and complicated line of reasoning.

Why the fuck aren't the state unemployment offices hiring people like a motherfucker?

They should be hiring anybody without a job and with a pulse that walks through the fucking door!

I mean, how high can the standards be? Have you ever dealt with anyone in an unemployment office? Or any state office building?

REQUIRED SKILL SET

Education? No.

Pleasant Disposition? No.

Helpful Attitude? No.

People Skills? No.

Sense of Urgency? No.

Professionalism? No.

Knowledgeable? No.

Dedication to The Task at Hand? No.

Compassion? No.

Creative Problem Solver? No.

Ability to Think Outside The Box? No.

Willingness to Cut Through Red Tape? Oh, Hellz to the No!

Ability to Show Up Most Days? Desirable, but not required.

Ability to Memorize Lunch and Break Schedules? Required.

Ability to Memorize State Employee Union Rules and Regulations? Required.

Here is the plan.

Take a big chunk of that stimulus package going to the states and put it towards hiring people to staff the Unemployment offices and expanding their IT and Telcom technical staff.

Soak those fuckers up like a sponge!

Add more servers to the websites. Add more telephone lines. Let the laid off IT, Telcom, Customer Service and Management professionals find ways to improve the system and increase efficiencies.

As the economy recovers, lay those fuckers off so they can get better jobs in the private sector, leaving their efficiencies behind.

As the demand for Unemployment bandwidth decreases, sell off the extra capacity to recovering businesses at a discount.

Why have none of the financial geniuses "fixing" this mess identified this simple example of the law of supply and demand?

What am I missing here?