KSHB "Business In Action"

This is balatant corporate whoredom. It is an infomercial disguised as some local business doing something good.

It is sandwiched between softcore, Sunday evening, pseudo-news and presented as though it is something important that you should pay attention to.
BULLSHIT!

They are a throwback to all that was wrong with early television. Corporations and advertisers have always sought to blur the boundry between advertising and fact.

Disasters in Dating Part 4

Yes readers, it's time for another chapter of "Disasters in Dating"!

Now, let me start by saying that there was no actual date involved in this story. So if you are someone I've dated recently, rest assured, this is not about you.

Call me!

No, this whole story played out in the course of this morning.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you to know that I have my profile posted on a few online dating sites. It's always good to diversify. Don't want to have all of you nuts in one sack, as it were.

Some are better than others. One in particular is yielding very poor results indeed. Every time I look at the "matches" they have found I scream "THAT'S A GODDAMN LIE! THOSE ARE NOT MY FUCKING MATCHES!"

But I was on one of the better sites this morning, looking at profiles and saw one that caught me eye. Very, attractive. Profile was well written and honest. We shared similar professions. She captured my interest so I shot her a quick note.

To my delight, she responded.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for your icebreaker.

I, too, am honest, upfront and yes, confident in who I am.

Your profile said you were an atheist... it that real or part of your sense of humor?

I am a christian, don't preach it or push it, haven't even been to church for a long, long time. But, I do live it.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

If you'd like to respond more, write me.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

-the Yahoo police will get me if I don't code it that way.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

Interested?

Thanks Xavier,

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~"

Sweet! Sounded like maybe I should explain myself, so I did. I won't bore you with those details. You all know I'm an atheist, you all know why, you've all heard it before. The important thing for you to know is that I sent her the email from my Xavier Onassis account that has the link to my blog on it.

Here is what I got back.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for the reply, and I really did appreciate your explanation.

I clicked on your Hip Suburban White Guy link and was blown away. I am a simple girl from the country, now living in the big city. I think you are way too "out there" for me. I don't think we could share in a conversation. OK, I could probably not share in a conversation with you.

You seem very intelligent and knowledgeable about alot of things, that I am just not interested in. I would bore you to death. Don't get me wrong, I'm intelligent, just try to stay away from a life of sarcasm, ranting and raving. Makes my head hurt!

I am more about two people sharing each other's lives and interests. Making each other feel like they are on top of the world. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

I believe in live and let live.

I think I could fuck your brains out, show you some feelings that you've never felt before, but then that would be judgemental of me, you would say something, I would be out in left field, and our time together would be over.

Thanks for your time and writing back- I just don't think we are a good match."

I have to say, she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. She made a good call.

I actually thought about removing the link to the blog from my auto-signature, but I decided that would be dishonest so I left it in.

Jaclyn was right! Why am I not surprised?

When I started my blog just over 3 years ago, the "Xavier Onassis" persona was a buffer between the real me and the Internet masses. Kind of like a super hero's secret identity. It allowed me the anonymity to do and say things that I might not do or say in real life. Outrageous, inflammatory things. Established local bloggers seemed to be doing that to get attention and traffic, so I thought I needed to do that too.

But over time, much like an old married couple, I've become more like XO and XO has become more like me. Which probably explains why this blog has become so fucking boring.

The nexus of this merger came when I heard one of my most respected friends and blogging buddies describing me to a new blogger (and my new BFF) by saying "XO in real life is EXACTLY like he is on his blog." And I took it as a compliment.

Well, fuck me running!

I suppose I should view this as a good thing. From now on,

"Instead of a couple of months of expensive, awkward dinners, happy hour drinks and strained social activities, why don't you just spend a couple of hours reading my blog and get back to me."

It does seem to be a much more elegant and streamlined approach.

So much simpler.

And So It Begins

"Judge OKs probe of torture complaint against Bush officials"

"(CNN) -- A senior Spanish judge has ordered prosecutors to investigate whether key Bush aides should be charged with crimes over the Guantanamo Bay detention center, a lawyer said Sunday.

Investigating magistrate Baltasar Garzon has passed a 98-page complaint to prosecutors that accuses former Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and five others of being the legal architects of system that allowed torture in violation of international law, human rights lawyer Gonzalo Boye told CNN.

Garzon says the case can be brought under Spanish law because several Spaniards were held at Guantanamo."

"...and other top Bush administration officials John C. Yoo, Douglas J. Feith, William J. Hayes II, Jay S. Bybee and David S. Addington."

I wrote about the inevitability of this happening back in January and we had quite a lively discussion about it in the comments.

This is not a matter to be taken lightly.

"Garzon, Spain's best-known investigating magistrate, issued the precedent-setting arrest warrant for former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet in 1998."

You may recall that as a result of that indictment, General Pinochet was, in fact, arrested while visiting London.




Although the United States and Spain have had an Extradition Treaty with one another since 1970, I don't expect the United States to hand these folks over for trial, or jail time if found guilty. In fact Article 5, Section A,4 of the treaty gives the accused in this case an out.

"A. Extradition shall not be granted in any of the following circumstances:

4. When the offense in respect of which the extradition is requested is regarded by the requested Party as an offense of a political character, or that Party has substantial grounds for believing that the request for extradition has been made for the purpose of trying or punishing a person for an offense of the above mentioned character. If any question arises as to whether a case comes within the provisions of this subparagraph, the authorities of the Government on which the requisition is made shall decide."

There is the "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. So no, the United States will not be handing these boys over. But someone else sure as hell could.

If the Spanish court finds the defendants guilty, they could issue a European Arrest Warrant.

"The Extradition Act 2003 divides the UK's extradition partners into two categories. Part 1 territories are those EU member states who, like the UK, operate the European Arrest Warrant (EAW) procedure. These are:

Austria; Belgium; Cyprus; Czech Republic; Denmark; Estonia; Finland; France; Germany; Greece; Hungary; Ireland; Italy; Latvia; Lithuania; Luxembourg; Malta; the Netherlands; Poland; Portugal; Slovakia; Slovenia; Spain; and Sweden

Part 2 territories include those Members of the Council of Europe who are not in the EU and are party to the European Convention on Extradition; Commonwealth territories; and bilateral extradition treaty partners, such as the United States. These are:

Albania; Andorra; Antigua and Barbuda; Armenia; Argentina; Australia; Azerbaijan; The Bahamas; Bangladesh; Barbados; Belize; Bolivia; Bosnia and Herzegovina; Botswana; Brazil; Brunei; Bulgaria; Canada; Chile; Colombia; Cook Islands; Croatia; Cuba; Dominica; Ecuador; El Salvador; Fiji; The Gambia; Georgia; Ghana; Grenada; Guatemala; Guyana; Haiti; Hong Kong Special Administrative Region *; Iceland; India; Iraq; Israel; Jamaica; Kenya; Kiribati; Lesotho; Liberia; Liechtenstein; the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia; Malawi; Malaysia; Maldives; Mauritius; Mexico; Moldova; Monaco; Nauru; New Zealand; Nicaragua; Nigeria; Norway; Panama; Papua New Guinea; Paraguay; Peru; Romania; Russian Federation; Saint Christopher and Nevis; Saint Lucia; Saint Vincent and the Grenadines; San Marino; Serbia and Montenegro; Seychelles; Sierra Leone; Singapore; Solomon Islands; South Africa; Sri Lanka; Swaziland; Switzerland; Tanzania; Thailand; Tonga; Trinidad and Tobago; Turkey; Tuvalu; Uganda; Ukraine; United States of America; Uruguay; Vanuatu; Western Samoa; Zambia and Zimbabwe."

If any of those people were to travel to any of the above countries, they could be arrested, held and transported to Spain for trial or sentencing and there wouldn't be a damn thing the United States could, or should, do to stop it.

In fact, you know what would be funny as hell in this case? Extreme Rendition. One of these countries on that list could form a team of crack commandos to just come into the U.S., snatch those 5 up and hustle them off for trial.

I mean hell, we've done it, so it can't be wrong. We don't break the law. What's to stop 'em?

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.

I Need a Set of Salt & Pepper Shakers

You all know I like to cook. After my last divorce I spent some serious coin on some quality cookware and cutlery.

But I did so to the detriment of other important culinary presentation choices.

My salt & pepper shakers suck ASS. All of them! Everyone says so.

I need a new pair of salt & pepper shakers that embody the spirit and ideal of The Hip Suburban White Guy. Something elegant and classy. Maybe something like this.



If you were on a road trip and stopped at a cheesey souvenier shop, which salt & pepper shakers would you bring back and say "I saw these and thought of you!"?

Old School Movies

OK, the narrator is a bit douchey and I think he could have done a better job of explaining things, but he hits the basics.

One of my earliest jobs was as a projectionist (a promotion from usher and concession attendant) at the Cinema 21 movie theater in Excelsior Springs.

This was in the early '70's and we still used 40 year old Peerless Carbon Arc 35mm Projectors.



Yes, those are chimneys on the projectors. You needed those to dissipate the heat from the carbon rods.



It's essentially a welding iron supplying the light and an incredibly complicated mechanical gearing and timing mechanism to sync up the picture, the sound, and the hand off between the two projectors that coordinate the 6 reels of film.

Projecting a movie was a fairly elaborate and complicated dance that required impeccable timing and precision. It was fun.



We used to enjoy changing the sequence of the reels. Reel 1, Reel 6, Reel 3, Reel 5, etc. It was the 70's. Most of the audience was stoned out of their mind and if they couldn't follow things they just assumed it was one of them "foreign art films" and they pretended to "get it".

Fucking hippies!

This Bugs Me

I see this all the time, but I'll be damned if I can Google-image a pic of it.

What I see is husbands sitting in the car of supermarket parking lots waiting on their wives to do the grocery shopping.

What. The. FUCK?

What year do you think this is, dude? 1955?

Get your lazy, worthless ass out of the fucking car and at least go in with her! Push the fucking cart! Or go get items on the list and bring them back to the car. Fucking participate!

Or, here's a thought. How about YOU do the fucking grocery shopping by yourself and contribute a little something to the household chores?

I just don't get that at all. I've been married twice and I certainly had my flaws. But unless I had a broken leg or a perianal abcess, I'd never get by with that shit! Not that I'd want to. I think marriage (or any serious, long term relationship) is a 50/50 partnership devoid of any gender-based roles and responsibilities. Fuck that.

But what really blows me away is when the husband waiting in the car is sitting in the passenger seat! He didn't even fucking drive! How fucking useless are you douche bag? Do you bring anything at all to the table?

I saw that very thing just today. Young woman at Dollar General with two young kids in tow, looking for affordable, basic neccessities. She was leaving the same time I was.

Her useless, piece of shit baby-daddy/husband was sitting in the shotgun seat playing a hand held video game. Ass wipe!

I just want to slap the shit out of "men" like that. I have no patience with that crap.

The President on 'The Tonight Show

This is the most important and hopeful thing that I heard...

"THE PRESIDENT: Well, and part of what happened over the last 15, 20 years is that so much money was made in finance that about 40 percent, I think, of our overall growth, our overall economic growth was in the financial sector. Well, now what we're finding out is a lot of that growth wasn't real. It was paper money, paper profits on the books, but it could be easily wiped out.

And what we need is steady growth; we need young people, instead of -- a smart kid coming out of school, instead of wanting to be an investment banker, we need them to decide they want to be an engineer, they want to be a scientist, they want to be a doctor or a teacher. And if we're rewarding those kinds of things that actually contribute to making things and making people's lives better, that's going to put our economy on solid footing. We won't have this kind of bubble-and-bust economy that we've gotten so caught up in for the last several years."

YES! Let's encourage a FACT AND REALITY BASED economy where people produce real things that have actual value!

New knowledge, new products, new efficiencies, new materials, new jobs! Let's figure out how we can ALL survive and thrive on a sustainable basis that benefits EVERYONE.

That isn't Socialism. That's common sense!

Papal Bull

The "infallible" Pope Benedict spreads bullshit about the spread of AIDS.

"Benedict told reporters on his flight Tuesday to Cameroon that a responsible and moral attitude toward sex would help fight the disease.

"You can't resolve it with the distribution of condoms," he said. "On the contrary, it increases the problem."

That is just a blatantly false statement. In the secular world, we call that a lie.

You CAN prevent the spread of AIDS with condoms and this DOES NOT increase the problem.

It is unconscionably irresponsible to have someone like Pope Benedict travelling to Third World countries spreading lies that will kill people.

On the same trip, there is this little tidbit.

"[Pope] Benedict said that while the Catholic church in Africa is the fastest growing in the world, it faces competition from increasingly popular evangelical movements and "the growing influence of superstitious forms of religion."

"...superstitious forms of religion?"

As opposed to what other kinds of religion, exactly?

Fact based religions?

Religions that rely on empirical evidence verified by objective, independently repeatable experiments that back up their claims rather than medieval liturgy, unquestioning dogma, ancient ceremony and repetitive tradition?

Let me be crystal clear.

There is absolutely no difference whatsoever between Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Islam, Buddhism, Grecco-Roman Polytheism, Paganism, Wicca, Druidism, Ancestor worship, The Illuminati, The Single Bullet Theory, Shamanism, Oswald Acted Alone, Astrology, Sun Gods, Gaia worship, Satanism, The Flying Spaghetti Monster, elves, hobbits, werewolves, Elvis managing the Casey's in Orrick, Sasquatch, anal-probing aliens on UFOs or vampires.

They all require a leap of faith. There is not a single one of those belief systems that can stack up any more objective evidence than any of the other belief systems to prove it's superiority.

And that's O.K.

Believe whatever the fuck you want.

But don't use your beliefs to spread lies that kill people.

Because that's just being a dick.



Don't be a dick.

Don't Ski

Spider Sabich died from skiing. Sort of.


Sonny Bono Died from skiing. Definitely.


Natasha Richardson Died fro skiing, apparently.

And don't fuck Claudine Longets



Which I would totally do. Even if it involved skiing. And dying.

A Twitter Primer

As someone who is on Twitter every waking moment of every day, this is fucking funny as hell! And true as shit!



Excuse me...I have to go send out a tweet letting all my tweeples know I have a new blog post up about Twittering.

Economic Vaccination

I sold this useless fucking monstrosity of a house after my divorce


years ago, and now I rent. So the decline in the housing market doesn't affect me.

I declared bankruptcy shortly after that, wiping out all of the credit card debt accumulated during my last marriage, so usurpery level interest rates don't affect me. I no longer have any credit card debt.

I wiped out 20 years of my accumulated 401k covering lawyer bills, moving companies, downsizing and other living expenses so the drop in the stock market doesn't affect me. I no longer own any stock.

My jeep is paid for. I have no car payment.

The company I work for was too conservative to dabble in all that risky financial bullshit. In fact, we are rated Number 7 in the top 150 companies in our industry. We are still growing and hiring, albiet at a slower pace.

I have nothing that the economy can touch.

I have rent, insurance, utilities, groceries and gas. As long as I have a paycheck coming, I have no worries.

I have already voluntarily divested myself of all of the financial baggage that could cause me any angst.

I have nothing, so I have nothing to lose.

It is a very zen-centered place to be.

I'm Going To Live Forever

When I win the lottery (or get my stimulus check), I'm having all of these procedures done.


And then, I'm going to a cosmetic surgeon and have the wrinkles taken out of my nutsack.

(Tip o' the cock to io9.com)

GTO about to get her braces

UPDATE! After the procedure!

It's Madison Time

Jim Cramer is a Comedian and an Entertainer

Never, ever, take financial advice from TV idiots who use cow bells, whistles, and pre-recorded sound effects.

Find an actual accountant or broker, i tour area, who quietly and conservatively makes money for their clients. Talk to them about your personal goals and finances. Do your own due diligence and invest cautiously.

If you have done these things, walk away and take a long term approach.

Don't pretend to be a day trader. Don't try to out guess the CNN or FOX financial pundits.

Do your research, place your bets, and let your money stay where it is.

P.S. - Stocks are REALLY cheap right now! If you truly believe in a company, this is a great time to buy up a shitload of flea-market priced stock. It's like travelling back in time.

Man dressed like The Joker slain by police in park

FRONT ROYAL, Va. –

A soldier dressed and wearing face-paint like Batman villain The Joker was shot and killed by police in the Shenandoah National Park after he pointed a loaded shotgun at them after a chase, an FBI affidavit says.

The Coming Evangelical Collapse

This is from the Christian Science Monitor.

An anti-Christian chapter in Western history is about to begin. But out of the ruins, a new vitality and integrity will rise.

By Michael Spencer
from the March 10, 2009 edition

Oneida, Ky. - We are on the verge – within 10 years – of a major collapse of evangelical Christianity. This breakdown will follow the deterioration of the mainline Protestant world and it will fundamentally alter the religious and cultural environment in the West.

Within two generations, evangelicalism will be a house deserted of half its occupants. (Between 25 and 35 percent of Americans today are Evangelicals.) In the "Protestant" 20th century, Evangelicals flourished. But they will soon be living in a very secular and religiously antagonistic 21st century.

This collapse will herald the arrival of an anti-Christian chapter of the post-Christian West. Intolerance of Christianity will rise to levels many of us have not believed possible in our lifetimes, and public policy will become hostile toward evangelical Christianity, seeing it as the opponent of the common good.

Millions of Evangelicals will quit. Thousands of ministries will end. Christian media will be reduced, if not eliminated. Many Christian schools will go into rapid decline. I'm convinced the grace and mission of God will reach to the ends of the earth. But the end of evangelicalism as we know it is close.

Why is this going to happen?

1. Evangelicals have identified their movement with the culture war and with political conservatism. This will prove to be a very costly mistake. Evangelicals will increasingly be seen as a threat to cultural progress. Public leaders will consider us bad for America, bad for education, bad for children, and bad for society.

The evangelical investment in moral, social, and political issues has depleted our resources and exposed our weaknesses. Being against gay marriage and being rhetorically pro-life will not make up for the fact that massive majorities of Evangelicals can't articulate the Gospel with any coherence. We fell for the trap of believing in a cause more than a faith.

2. We Evangelicals have failed to pass on to our young people an orthodox form of faith that can take root and survive the secular onslaught. Ironically, the billions of dollars we've spent on youth ministers, Christian music, publishing, and media has produced a culture of young Christians who know next to nothing about their own faith except how they feel about it. Our young people have deep beliefs about the culture war, but do not know why they should obey scripture, the essentials of theology, or the experience of spiritual discipline and community. Coming generations of Christians are going to be monumentally ignorant and unprepared for culture-wide pressures.

3. There are three kinds of evangelical churches today: consumer-driven megachurches, dying churches, and new churches whose future is fragile. Denominations will shrink, even vanish, while fewer and fewer evangelical churches will survive and thrive.

4. Despite some very successful developments in the past 25 years, Christian education has not produced a product that can withstand the rising tide of secularism. Evangelicalism has used its educational system primarily to staff its own needs and talk to itself.

5. The confrontation between cultural secularism and the faith at the core of evangelical efforts to "do good" is rapidly approaching. We will soon see that the good Evangelicals want to do will be viewed as bad by so many, and much of that work will not be done. Look for ministries to take on a less and less distinctively Christian face in order to survive.

6. Even in areas where Evangelicals imagine themselves strong (like the Bible Belt), we will find a great inability to pass on to our children a vital evangelical confidence in the Bible and the importance of the faith.

7. The money will dry up.

What will be left?

•Expect evangelicalism to look more like the pragmatic, therapeutic, church-growth oriented megachurches that have defined success. Emphasis will shift from doctrine to relevance, motivation, and personal success – resulting in churches further compromised and weakened in their ability to pass on the faith.

•Two of the beneficiaries will be the Roman Catholic and Orthodox communions. Evangelicals have been entering these churches in recent decades and that trend will continue, with more efforts aimed at the "conversion" of Evangelicals to the Catholic and Orthodox traditions.

•A small band will work hard to rescue the movement from its demise through theological renewal. This is an attractive, innovative, and tireless community with outstanding media, publishing, and leadership development. Nonetheless, I believe the coming evangelical collapse will not result in a second reformation, though it may result in benefits for many churches and the beginnings of new churches.

•The emerging church will largely vanish from the evangelical landscape, becoming part of the small segment of progressive mainline Protestants that remain true to the liberal vision.

•Aggressively evangelistic fundamentalist churches will begin to disappear.

•Charismatic-Pentecostal Christianity will become the majority report in evangelicalism. Can this community withstand heresy, relativism, and confusion? To do so, it must make a priority of biblical authority, responsible leadership, and a reemergence of orthodoxy.

•Evangelicalism needs a "rescue mission" from the world Christian community. It is time for missionaries to come to America from Asia and Africa. Will they come? Will they be able to bring to our culture a more vital form of Christianity?

•Expect a fragmented response to the culture war. Some Evangelicals will work to create their own countercultures, rather than try to change the culture at large. Some will continue to see conservatism and Christianity through one lens and will engage the culture war much as before – a status quo the media will be all too happy to perpetuate. A significant number, however, may give up political engagement for a discipleship of deeper impact.

Is all of this a bad thing?

Evangelicalism doesn't need a bailout. Much of it needs a funeral. But what about what remains?

Is it a good thing that denominations are going to become largely irrelevant? Only if the networks that replace them are able to marshal resources, training, and vision to the mission field and into the planting and equipping of churches.

Is it a good thing that many marginal believers will depart? Possibly, if churches begin and continue the work of renewing serious church membership. We must change the conversation from the maintenance of traditional churches to developing new and culturally appropriate ones.

The ascendency of Charismatic-Pentecostal-influenced worship around the world can be a major positive for the evangelical movement if reformation can reach those churches and if it is joined with the calling, training, and mentoring of leaders. If American churches come under more of the influence of the movement of the Holy Spirit in Africa and Asia, this will be a good thing.

Will the evangelicalizing of Catholic and Orthodox communions be a good development? One can hope for greater unity and appreciation, but the history of these developments seems to be much more about a renewed vigor to "evangelize" Protestantism in the name of unity.

Will the coming collapse get Evangelicals past the pragmatism and shallowness that has brought about the loss of substance and power? Probably not. The purveyors of the evangelical circus will be in fine form, selling their wares as the promised solution to every church's problems. I expect the landscape of megachurch vacuity to be around for a very long time.

Will it shake lose the prosperity Gospel from its parasitical place on the evangelical body of Christ? Evidence from similar periods is not encouraging. American Christians seldom seem to be able to separate their theology from an overall idea of personal affluence and success.

The loss of their political clout may impel many Evangelicals to reconsider the wisdom of trying to create a "godly society." That doesn't mean they'll focus solely on saving souls, but the increasing concern will be how to keep secularism out of church, not stop it altogether. The integrity of the church as a countercultural movement with a message of "empire subversion" will increasingly replace a message of cultural and political entitlement.

Despite all of these challenges, it is impossible not to be hopeful. As one commenter has already said, "Christianity loves a crumbling empire."

We can rejoice that in the ruins, new forms of Christian vitality and ministry will be born. I expect to see a vital and growing house church movement. This cannot help but be good for an evangelicalism that has made buildings, numbers, and paid staff its drugs for half a century.

We need new evangelicalism that learns from the past and listens more carefully to what God says about being His people in the midst of a powerful, idolatrous culture.

I'm not a prophet. My view of evangelicalism is not authoritative or infallible. I am certainly wrong in some of these predictions. But is there anyone who is observing evangelicalism in these times who does not sense that the future of our movement holds many dangers and much potential?

• Michael Spencer is a writer and communicator living and working in a Christian community in Kentucky. He describes himself as "a postevangelical reformation Christian in search of a Jesus-shaped spirituality." This essay is adapted from a series on his blog, InternetMonk.com .

The Black Bra

Got this in an email from an old girlfriend today. Yeah, it's been around before but it never fails to crack me up.

*****

The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice, stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here ' s how it all went:

My engaged friend:

The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, ' You are the woman of my dreams. I love you. ' Then we made love all night long..

The mistress:

Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn ' t say a word, but we had wild sex all night.

Then I had to share my story:

When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…

"What's for dinner, Batman?"

America becoming less Christian, survey finds

From CNN:

"(CNN) -- America is a less Christian nation than it was 20 years ago, and Christianity is not losing out to other religions, but primarily to a rejection of religion altogether, a survey published Monday found.


Survey finds percentage of of Americans identifying themselves as Christian has fallen over two decades.

Seventy-five percent of Americans call themselves Christian, according to the American Religious Identification Survey from Trinity College in Hartford, Connecticut. In 1990, the figure was 86 percent.

William Donohue, president of the Catholic League said he thinks a radical shift towards individualism over the last quarter-century has a lot to do it.

"The three most dreaded words are thou shalt not," he told Lou Dobbs. "Notice they are not atheists -- they are saying I don't want to be told what to do with my life."

At the same time there has been an increase in the number of people expressing no religious affiliation.

The survey also found that "born-again" or "evangelical" Christianity is on the rise, while the percentage who belong to "mainline" congregations such as the Episcopal or Lutheran churches has fallen.

One in three Americans consider themselves evangelical, and the number of people associated with mega-churches has skyrocketed from less than 200,000 in 1990 to more than 8 million in the latest survey. Watch CNN report on new study »

The rise in evangelical Christianity is contributing to the rejection of religion altogether by some Americans, said Mark Silk of Trinity College.

"In the 1990s, it really sunk in on the American public generally that there was a long-lasting 'religious right' connected to a political party, and that turned a lot of people the other way," he said of the link between the Republican Party and groups such as the Moral Majority and Focus on the Family. Watch author on mixing religion and politics »

"In an earlier time, people who would have been content to say, 'Well, I'm some kind of a Protestant,' now say 'Hell no, I won't go,'" he told CNN.

Silk also said the revelation that some Catholic priests had sexually abused children -- and senior figures in the church hierarchy had helped to hide it -- drove some Catholics away from religion.

And, he said, it is now more socially acceptable than it once was to admit having no religion.

"You're not declaring yourself a total pariah. The culture has changed in a way that makes it easier to say, 'No, I don't have a religion. Even in the past year, Mitt Romney and Barack Obama feel obliged to talk about 'those of no faith,' " he pointed out. Obama mentioned people without faith in his inaugural address in January, making him the first president to do so.

In the survey, one in five Americans said they have no religious identity or did not answer the question, and more than one in four said they do not expect to have a religious funeral.

The rise in what the survey authors call "nones" is the only trend reflected in every single state in the study, Silk said.

"We don't see anything else in the survey that is nationwide," he told CNN.

Still, Tony Perkins, the president of the Family Research Council, remained hopeful that people will return to their faith, noting there was a less dramatic decline in those affiliating themselves with a religion this decade than in the 1990s.

Perkins told Lou Dobbs he sees that decline easing, and he thinks soon religion will be an even greater part of people's lives.

"If this poll is taken next year will the outcome be different?" he asked. "As the economy goes downward, I think people are going to be driven to religion."

Other findings include:

• The percentage of Catholics in the United States has remained steady at about one in four since 1990, while the percentage of other Christians has plummeted from 60 percent to 50 percent.

• The percentage of Muslims has doubled since 1990, but remains statistically very small, only 0.3 percent in the original survey and 0.6 percent today.

• Mormons have remained steady as a percentage of the population, even as the number of people in the United States has grown. They make up 1.4 percent of the population.

• The number of Jews in the United States is falling if the category includes only those who define themselves as Jews religiously, but has remained the same if the category includes people who consider themselves ethnically Jewish.


The survey polled 54,461 Americans between February and November of last year. Pollsters conducted the research in both English and Spanish."

It's a No Brainer

I hear reports all the time about how people who find themselves suddenly unemployed are having difficulty getting through to their state Unemployment offices.

The Unemployment office websites are locking up and crashing.

Trying to get someone on the phone can involve sitting on hold for hours, often resulting in a maddening dropped call forcing you to start all over.

Benefits are slow in coming or are denied, forcing you to the website or phone to appeal. See above.

So here's the way my mind works. See if you can follow this convoluted and complicated line of reasoning.

Why the fuck aren't the state unemployment offices hiring people like a motherfucker?

They should be hiring anybody without a job and with a pulse that walks through the fucking door!

I mean, how high can the standards be? Have you ever dealt with anyone in an unemployment office? Or any state office building?

REQUIRED SKILL SET

Education? No.

Pleasant Disposition? No.

Helpful Attitude? No.

People Skills? No.

Sense of Urgency? No.

Professionalism? No.

Knowledgeable? No.

Dedication to The Task at Hand? No.

Compassion? No.

Creative Problem Solver? No.

Ability to Think Outside The Box? No.

Willingness to Cut Through Red Tape? Oh, Hellz to the No!

Ability to Show Up Most Days? Desirable, but not required.

Ability to Memorize Lunch and Break Schedules? Required.

Ability to Memorize State Employee Union Rules and Regulations? Required.

Here is the plan.

Take a big chunk of that stimulus package going to the states and put it towards hiring people to staff the Unemployment offices and expanding their IT and Telcom technical staff.

Soak those fuckers up like a sponge!

Add more servers to the websites. Add more telephone lines. Let the laid off IT, Telcom, Customer Service and Management professionals find ways to improve the system and increase efficiencies.

As the economy recovers, lay those fuckers off so they can get better jobs in the private sector, leaving their efficiencies behind.

As the demand for Unemployment bandwidth decreases, sell off the extra capacity to recovering businesses at a discount.

Why have none of the financial geniuses "fixing" this mess identified this simple example of the law of supply and demand?

What am I missing here?

Crossing The Street 101

I work downtown and I commute from Independence to KC via Independence Ave.

I've noticed a phenomenon that begins when I cross 435 and get closer to KC. It reaches it's peak at 10th and Main at the metro bus plaza.

What I observe all day long, every day, is people just casually walking out into the middle of the fucking street like they are strolling across a park.

There are two crosswalks and stoplights a half block away in either direction.

They don't use them.

They don't look to see what color the light is, they don't check to see if any cars are coming, they don't make any fucking effort whatsoever to get across the street as fast as they can.

They don't even take the shortest route, a straight line, across the street.

Oh no.

Thay just sort of amble across at a diagonal, taking as long as possible, disrupting as much traffic as possible, and endangering themselves as much as possible.

But here is the worst part.



They do this with their fucking kids with them! Sometimes with babies in strollers!

What. The. Fuck???

I remember going to great pains to teach my daughter to only cross the street at the cross walks, and only when the light was green, and to still look both ways to make sure all the traffic had come to a stop.



Not these folks. Nope. "Oh, those lights don't mean nothin'! Pedestrians always have the right of way! You don't need no lights or crosswalks. Just step right out there and they have to stop for you. Take your time. No rush. Be cool."

So do I believe that a 7 year old kid could run out in front of an oncoming fire truck with lights flashing and sirens blaring?

Yeah. Sadly, I really do. Because I've seen irresponsible parents training their children to do that very fucking thing, all day long, every day.

A Visible Sign Of Our Economic Collapse

I have seen more cops pulling over more people and giving more tickets in the past few weeks than I have in the past few years!

Every single night I see at least one, sometimes 3 or 4, on the short 15 minute drive down Hwy 24 east of I-435.

Has there been a sudden increase in traffic scofflaws, lead-footing the vertical pedal?

Huh uh.

Here is what's going on.

People are losing their jobs because the unregulated, privatized, "free market" of the last 8 years has collapsed like the house of cards it was.

They are abandoning their houses because they can't afford their mortgages.

Their cars are being repossessed.

They can no longer afford to pay their personal property taxes.

They can't buy anything because they have no income, so sales tax revenue is down.

City, county and state governments are feeling the sting.

Their solution? Lean on the cops to write more tickets! Tickets generate revenue!

So, because people are out of work and government revenues are down, lets send out cops to catch the few people who still have jobs and are trying to get to work on time so they won't lose their jobs.

Pull them over, make them late for work so they are at greater risk for losing their jobs and contributing to the core problem, give them a ticket for some minor traffic infraction which puts even more pressure on their already shaky finances.

Fucking. Brilliant.

But to end on a positive note, here is a great pic and link for The Broderick Crawford 1955 Buick Special

Separated at Birth?

The world's UGLIEST fucking cat.



The Donnie Darko bunny rabbit.



By the way, Holmes Osborne, the actor who played Donnie Darko's dad...



...was my 8th grade English teacher in Excelsior Springs in 1969.

My Feets

About a month ago I started experiencing some problems with da feets which I wrote about here.

Since then, I've been wearing this awesome boot cast.



Which, now that I have the bills, I discover is a $315.00 fashion accessory which my insurance only pays $148.26 of.

But I digress.

Had an appointment with the podiatrist this afternoon with the following results:

1. Stress fracture is on the mend and I can wean myself from the Astro Boy shoe.



2. My plantar fasciitis is a chronic condition and he wants me to do foot stretching exercises for 5-10 minutes everday forEVAH!



3. My dislocated middle toe has probably been dislocated for a couple of years and cannot be just popped back into place. It would require surgery, removal of some bone, insertion of a pin, and me being on crutches for 4-6 weeks. Since my jeep is a stick, that means I wouldn't be able to drive. Since I have no live-in Signifigant Other, that means surgery is not an option. So I just have to suck it.

4. Contrary to what the folks at the Good Feet store recommended, I do NOT need any fancy $300.00 shoes. I need good shoes, not fancy shoes. My podiatrist buys $50.00 shoes at Payless.

So over the next couple of weeks I ease off of the cast boot, work foot stretching into my daily routine, throttle back on the naproxen and the ice bags, and work myself back into regular shoes. Other than showering and sleeping, he doesn't want me barefoot for 3 months.

That was today's medical adventure.

Tomorrow, it's off to the orthodontist to get GTO braces!



Happy Happy Fucking Joy Joy!

GOP in Total Implosion

I laugh myself to sleep every night.

The Rove/Limbaugh/Dobson/Gingrich/Bush/Cheney/Addison crowd are all on the downhill side of history and they are too stupid to realize it. They will never, ever be in power again.

Their policies have failed. The demographics of this country are changing. Their time is over and it ain't coming back.

The old GOP white guys are shoving Bobby Jindal and Michael Steele out front to be cosmetic siding and cannon fodder, but they throw them both under the bus at the first hint of dissent.

"WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Over the weekend, Republican Party Chairman Michael Steele called Rush Limbaugh's rhetoric "incendiary" and "ugly" and insisted that he, not Limbaugh, is in charge of the GOP.

But that was two days ago. Monday, after a blistering response from the conservative talk-radio kingpin, Steele told the online journal Politico that he "was maybe a little bit inarticulate."

"There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership," Steele said. He added, "There are those out there who want to look at what he's saying as incendiary and divisive and ugly. That's what I was trying to say. It didn't come out that way."

Steele's original remarks came from an interview on CNN's "D.L. Hughley Breaks the News," which aired Saturday. They came as Democrats, including White House chief of staff Rahm Emanuel, have tried to paint Limbaugh -- who has said he wants to see the Obama administration "fail" -- as the effective head of the opposition party.

Steele rejected the idea, saying, "I'm the de facto leader of the Republican Party."

"Rush Limbaugh is an entertainer. Rush Limbaugh's whole thing is entertainment," Steele told CNN. "Yes, it is incendiary. Yes, it is ugly." iReport.com: Limbaugh and Steele show divisions in GOP

Limbaugh fired back on his radio show Monday, saying the Republican chairman appears to be supporting President Barack Obama and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. He said Steele appears "obsessed with seeing to it President Obama succeeds."

"I frankly am stunned that the chairman of the Republican National Committee endorses such an agenda," Limbaugh said. "I have to conclude that he does, because he attacks me for wanting it to fail."

But Monday night Steele told Politico he didn't intend to go after Limbaugh.

"My intent was not to go after Rush -- I have enormous respect for Rush Limbaugh," Steele told Politico in a telephone interview. "I was maybe a little bit inarticulate ... There was no attempt on my part to diminish his voice or his leadership."

Steele told Politico he tried to call Limbaugh after the show on Monday and said he hoped he would be able to talk to the radio host soon.

"I went back at that tape and I realized words that I said weren't what I was thinking," Steele told Politico.

"I'm not going to engage these guys and sit back and provide them the popcorn for a fight between me and Rush Limbaugh."

And in a written statement issued to CNN, Steele said, "To the extent that my remarks helped the Democrats in Washington to take the focus, even for one minute, off of their irresponsible expansion of government, I truly apologize."

"I respect Rush Limbaugh, he is a national conservative leader, and in no way do I want to diminish his voice," Steele said. "I'm sure that he and I will agree most of the time, but will probably disagree some as well, which is fine."

Steele's Democratic counterpart, Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine, said he was "briefly encouraged" by Steele's "courageous" remarks.

"However, Chairman Steele's reversal this evening and his apology to Limbaugh proves the unfortunate point that Limbaugh is the leading force behind the Republican Party, its politics and its obstruction of President Obama's agenda in Washington," Kaine said in a written statement."

It's a different world and they have no idea how to adapt. And that means extinction.

The Solar Eclipse

Way back in May of last year, I published a 2 part, rambling, stream of consciousness post that started out talking about New Jersey and my Silver Surfer tie and wound up with a nostalgic reminiscence of a KICK ASS band from my high school days.

But apparently, some of my facts were a little fuzzy. Not surprising since I was pretty fucking stoned on all of that weed and hashish being brought back from Vietnam and Thailand by our returning veterans.

Well, today I got SCHOOLED by someone who has a much clearer memory of those days.

I received an email from none other than Lisa Crawford, the actual drummer for The Solar Eclipse who I completely dissed by not mentioning her at all in my original post. She sets the facts straight!

She's an awesome lady and I am publishing her original email here (only slightly enhanced by some pictures and such), with her permission.

Thanks Lisa! Great to hear from you!

"You are incorrect about Randy Grayson being the drummer for the Solar Eclipse. I was the drummer for the Solar Eclipse when you would have been listening to us do "Vehicle" by the Ides of March.



[NOTE FROM XO: Yeah, if you listen to the words it's kind of a douchey song about a predatory child molester, but goddamn that horn section kicks ass! That is all]

I was actually the group's second drummer from 1968 to May of 1971 when I graduated from Lawson HS and went off to college at CMSU in Warrensburg to pursue my degree in music education.

The group's first drummer---very briefly---was Jimmy Carroll now deceased. He wanted to do other activities in school so I replaced him.

I was the one who could do massively long drum solos on "I'm A Man" by Chicago Transit Authority and "TNUC" by Grand Funk Railroad etc. also "Soul Sacrifice" by Santana as in Woodstock.

We were a regional group playing in Missouri, Kansas and Iowa. And we were definitely not your average little garage band. We played music that we liked not necessarily what people always thought they wanted to hear but by the end of the night all they wanted was more of what we were giving them.

We did about a 15-20 minute James Brown medley to end the night where Remon(Randy) Grayson would go out front and do just about every dance step ever invented during the soul/funk music days. Remon was an entertainer not just a musician.



We were very heavily influenced by soul, blues and jazz. And yes, our horn section could jam!!! JT Lynn as you refer to him was just Tom Lynn then. Martha, his sister, played bass in the group. Their father was the JT Lynn listed on our business cards. He was our manager.

Jimmy Dykes was the youngest member of the group. I believe he was in the 7th or 8th grade in 1968 when I joined the group. Jimmy was basically a child prodigy on the guitar. I can remember seeing him play at talent shows in Excelsior Springs when he was about 6 years old.

The original Solar Eclipse consisted of:

Jimmy Dykes---guitar and vocals, and guitar showman
Martha Lynn---bass and vocals
Tom Lynn---sax, vocals, percussion, flute
Remon Grayson---sax, vocals, percussion and entertainer extraordinaire
Lisa Crawford----drums

In 1970 we added:
Bill Hankins---trumpet, percussion
Gene Craig--Hammond organ, trombone, vocals

After graduation from high school in 1971 three of us left the group to pursue college degrees:

Lisa Crawford
Gene Craig
Bill Hankins

I was replaced on drums by Gary Butler who now plays (Ringo) with the Beatles tribute band Liverpool.

Gene Craig was replaced on keyboard by Robert Paddock who became Martha's first husband also.

I cannot recall the name of the next trumpet player but do know that he was later killed in an auto accident. Lee Watkins then replaced him. The group evolved into just Eclipse then.

Looking back on this group, we were just dammed good for a bunch of kids. I also believe we influenced a lot of people to become more accepting of black music and culture even though Remon was the only black member of the group.

When we would go into some of the little redneck towns we played in sometimes we just weren't quite sure how we'd be accepted but it didn't matter to us. As I said before, at the end of the night they just wanted more.

We were like our own little family. We always prayed before each gig that we would do a good show and entertain everyone. The most import thing to us was the interaction between the band and the audience. There was a great deal of improv and jamming at every show.

Our parents were all very supportive of the group. We practiced and played so much that we didn't have any time left to get into trouble like most of our HS friends.

In recent years, Remon has become a very good drummer.

Thanks for your mention of the Solar Eclipse. I am so happy that anyone remembers us. We were just on the cutting edge of music then. We were playing stuff that no one else was doing.

All of us from the original group and the additional musicians we added in 1970 are still living. Robert Paddock is deceased now. We are somewhat spread out but I am certain that we all still share a common bond and still think of ourselves as musical siblings.

Thank you so very much!!!!

Lisa "Grace" Crawford
Private Percussion/Drum Instructor
Liberty, MO"