I'm thinking "Fuck! This is a Saturday and I can't find anything to do! What the fuck am I going to do all next week? There's always Internet porn surfing but c'mon, you can hurt yourself if you're not careful! (always remember to do some stretching exercises first and stay hydrated)."
I share my predicament with my twitter buddies. I'm pretty much resigned to driving out to Burr Oak Woods Nature Center and wandering the trails like Rhadagast the Brown.
Then I get a tweet from "dramaclub":
"@xo64068. I have a suggestion! Free beer and pig roast at the outlaw cigar shop up north. Also a fun free poker tourney. Great time!"
Free beer and pig? That sounds too good to be true so I google it.
My God! (o.k., i'm an atheist so I don't really mean it, i'm just going for emphasis and dramatic effect here so don't leave me any fucking comments busting my chops. it's a goddamn figure of speech, not a declaration of faith, so fuck you.) It's true!
From the Outlaw Cigar Company calendar:
"The Legend Avo Uvezian returns to The Outlaw for a third time. Playing live on a grand piano with a Jazz Quartet. Ain't no better place to hear Avo tickle the ivories than right here in The Outlaw Lounge. Free Food, Drinks and lots of entertainment. 10 Kegs of Beer, 300 lbs of smoked Pig, Italian Sausage Hot off the Grill, Hooter Wings, Cookies, Chips and tons more......
Hooter girls and the Outlaw Calendar Girl "Rachelle" will be here to make you Grin.
Texas Hold'em Tournament (5pm)
Buy 3 Cigars and Get 1 Cigar Free
Long Ash Contest
Tons of Raffle Prizes
The polyglot businessman and jazz musician went to Puerto Rico and in the early 80s opened a restaurant and piano bar.
In Puerto Rico Avo discovered his love for cigars – they were to become his great passion.
As a perfectionist par excellence he very soon had his own AVO brand rolled and gave this away to his guests, who increasingly demanded his cigars. The road from connoisseur to cigar composer was but a short one."
Holy Shit! And this is all FREE! I'm totes there!
I shit, shower, shave and head for God's Country (o.k., don't make me repeat myself..it's a fucking figure of speech with no divinity implied or intended. Jesus!).
What a great fucking time! The dapper dude was at the piano under a tent fronting a jazz trio, scantily clad biker babes were in abundance, there truly was FREE BEER and FREE FOOD! By the time I got there the pig was nothing but an empty husk of skin. They were still grilling sausages but they were out of buns, so I passed.
The absurdity of the bun situation didn't hit me until later. I'm willing to drive from Independence to damn near Parkville where I am offered free music, free beer, free eye candy, but I wind up declining the grilled sausage because I would have had to go to the grocery store 20 ft away and buy a $2.00 package of buns that I could have shared with hot biker chicks. Dipshit!
So it's a great crowd, great music, the National Guard is there with a BIG ASS fucking truck (it would blow your Ford F-350 or Chevy Z-71 off the road like a McDonald's wrapper), they had a BIG ASS fucking Howitzer or some kinda Army gun, and there was a fucking Chinook CH-47 in a vacant lot!
When you see one of these babies, you need to snap to give it a smart salute!
There are flashier aircraft in the armed forces, but the CH-47 has been in service since 1962, longer than most of you reading this have been alive and it is the backbone of logistical transport for both troops and equipment.
So it was an all around great time!
I allow myself a cup of Shiner Bock on tap and begin to mingle.
I'm standing at the corner of the tent next to the musicians, basking in the ambiance and when a fellow reveller who has had at least one more beer than me (I won't cast any judgements beyond that threshold) strikes up a conversation.
In the span of 5 minutes we discuss the election, DUIs, fucking cops, that chick over there.
Then this guy walks up and says "Are you XO?"
I said "Yes, I am."
And he says "I'm dramaclub."
The guy I had been talking to turns to dramaclub and says "You know this guy?" Turning to me "You're XO? Were you in the Navy? (XO=Executive Officer in Navy lingo)"
I had managed to unknowingly stumble into dramaclub's entourage.
We sort out all of the greetings and get to know ya's and enjoy some lively conversation while I nurse my single Shiner Bock.
It was a great afternoon! Topped off by watching the CH-47 lift off and give the crowd a fly-by! Awesome!
Turns out, this isn't some rare, annual event. Outlaw Cigar does this once a month! And there is always military hardware, Hooters chicks, and Outlaw calender girls on display.
WHY DON'T PEOPLE TELL ME THESE THINGS?
I'm going to make this a recurring event on my personal calendar.
In fact, I think it would make a perfect blog meat.
November, perhaps?
P.S. - Oh, and Dan, this is a Jolly Green Giant.
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