Vick Trek

Apparently, Michael Vick went all trekkie in prison, but took it to early-Elvis/Mirror, Mirror Spock extremes.

KSHB "Business In Action"

This is balatant corporate whoredom. It is an infomercial disguised as some local business doing something good.

It is sandwiched between softcore, Sunday evening, pseudo-news and presented as though it is something important that you should pay attention to.
BULLSHIT!

They are a throwback to all that was wrong with early television. Corporations and advertisers have always sought to blur the boundry between advertising and fact.

Disasters in Dating Part 4

Yes readers, it's time for another chapter of "Disasters in Dating"!

Now, let me start by saying that there was no actual date involved in this story. So if you are someone I've dated recently, rest assured, this is not about you.

Call me!

No, this whole story played out in the course of this morning.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you to know that I have my profile posted on a few online dating sites. It's always good to diversify. Don't want to have all of you nuts in one sack, as it were.

Some are better than others. One in particular is yielding very poor results indeed. Every time I look at the "matches" they have found I scream "THAT'S A GODDAMN LIE! THOSE ARE NOT MY FUCKING MATCHES!"

But I was on one of the better sites this morning, looking at profiles and saw one that caught me eye. Very, attractive. Profile was well written and honest. We shared similar professions. She captured my interest so I shot her a quick note.

To my delight, she responded.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for your icebreaker.

I, too, am honest, upfront and yes, confident in who I am.

Your profile said you were an atheist... it that real or part of your sense of humor?

I am a christian, don't preach it or push it, haven't even been to church for a long, long time. But, I do live it.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

If you'd like to respond more, write me.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

-the Yahoo police will get me if I don't code it that way.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

Interested?

Thanks Xavier,

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~"

Sweet! Sounded like maybe I should explain myself, so I did. I won't bore you with those details. You all know I'm an atheist, you all know why, you've all heard it before. The important thing for you to know is that I sent her the email from my Xavier Onassis account that has the link to my blog on it.

Here is what I got back.

"Hi Xavier,

Thanks for the reply, and I really did appreciate your explanation.

I clicked on your Hip Suburban White Guy link and was blown away. I am a simple girl from the country, now living in the big city. I think you are way too "out there" for me. I don't think we could share in a conversation. OK, I could probably not share in a conversation with you.

You seem very intelligent and knowledgeable about alot of things, that I am just not interested in. I would bore you to death. Don't get me wrong, I'm intelligent, just try to stay away from a life of sarcasm, ranting and raving. Makes my head hurt!

I am more about two people sharing each other's lives and interests. Making each other feel like they are on top of the world. I don't care what the rest of the world thinks.

~~~ personal info redacted ~~~

I believe in live and let live.

I think I could fuck your brains out, show you some feelings that you've never felt before, but then that would be judgemental of me, you would say something, I would be out in left field, and our time together would be over.

Thanks for your time and writing back- I just don't think we are a good match."

I have to say, she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. She made a good call.

I actually thought about removing the link to the blog from my auto-signature, but I decided that would be dishonest so I left it in.

Jaclyn was right! Why am I not surprised?

When I started my blog just over 3 years ago, the "Xavier Onassis" persona was a buffer between the real me and the Internet masses. Kind of like a super hero's secret identity. It allowed me the anonymity to do and say things that I might not do or say in real life. Outrageous, inflammatory things. Established local bloggers seemed to be doing that to get attention and traffic, so I thought I needed to do that too.

But over time, much like an old married couple, I've become more like XO and XO has become more like me. Which probably explains why this blog has become so fucking boring.

The nexus of this merger came when I heard one of my most respected friends and blogging buddies describing me to a new blogger (and my new BFF) by saying "XO in real life is EXACTLY like he is on his blog." And I took it as a compliment.

Well, fuck me running!

I suppose I should view this as a good thing. From now on,

"Instead of a couple of months of expensive, awkward dinners, happy hour drinks and strained social activities, why don't you just spend a couple of hours reading my blog and get back to me."

It does seem to be a much more elegant and streamlined approach.

So much simpler.

And So It Begins

"Judge OKs probe of torture complaint against Bush officials"

"(CNN) -- A senior Spanish judge has ordered prosecutors to investigate whether key Bush aides should be charged with crimes over the Guantanamo Bay detention center, a lawyer said Sunday.

Investigating magistrate Baltasar Garzon has passed a 98-page complaint to prosecutors that accuses former Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales and five others of being the legal architects of system that allowed torture in violation of international law, human rights lawyer Gonzalo Boye told CNN.

Garzon says the case can be brought under Spanish law because several Spaniards were held at Guantanamo."

"...and other top Bush administration officials John C. Yoo, Douglas J. Feith, William J. Hayes II, Jay S. Bybee and David S. Addington."

I wrote about the inevitability of this happening back in January and we had quite a lively discussion about it in the comments.

This is not a matter to be taken lightly.

"Garzon, Spain's best-known investigating magistrate, issued the precedent-setting arrest warrant for former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet in 1998."

You may recall that as a result of that indictment, General Pinochet was, in fact, arrested while visiting London.




Although the United States and Spain have had an Extradition Treaty with one another since 1970, I don't expect the United States to hand these folks over for trial, or jail time if found guilty. In fact Article 5, Section A,4 of the treaty gives the accused in this case an out.

"A. Extradition shall not be granted in any of the following circumstances:

4. When the offense in respect of which the extradition is requested is regarded by the requested Party as an offense of a political character, or that Party has substantial grounds for believing that the request for extradition has been made for the purpose of trying or punishing a person for an offense of the above mentioned character. If any question arises as to whether a case comes within the provisions of this subparagraph, the authorities of the Government on which the requisition is made shall decide."

There is the "Get Out Of Jail Free" card. So no, the United States will not be handing these boys over. But someone else sure as hell could.

If the Spanish court finds the defendants guilty, they could issue a European Arrest Warrant.

"The Extradition Act 2003 divides the UK's extradition partners into two categories. Part 1 territories are those EU member states who, like the UK, operate the European Arrest Warrant (EAW) procedure. These are:

Austria; Belgium; Cyprus; Czech Republic; Denmark; Estonia; Finland; France; Germany; Greece; Hungary; Ireland; Italy; Latvia; Lithuania; Luxembourg; Malta; the Netherlands; Poland; Portugal; Slovakia; Slovenia; Spain; and Sweden

Part 2 territories include those Members of the Council of Europe who are not in the EU and are party to the European Convention on Extradition; Commonwealth territories; and bilateral extradition treaty partners, such as the United States. These are:

Albania; Andorra; Antigua and Barbuda; Armenia; Argentina; Australia; Azerbaijan; The Bahamas; Bangladesh; Barbados; Belize; Bolivia; Bosnia and Herzegovina; Botswana; Brazil; Brunei; Bulgaria; Canada; Chile; Colombia; Cook Islands; Croatia; Cuba; Dominica; Ecuador; El Salvador; Fiji; The Gambia; Georgia; Ghana; Grenada; Guatemala; Guyana; Haiti; Hong Kong Special Administrative Region *; Iceland; India; Iraq; Israel; Jamaica; Kenya; Kiribati; Lesotho; Liberia; Liechtenstein; the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia; Malawi; Malaysia; Maldives; Mauritius; Mexico; Moldova; Monaco; Nauru; New Zealand; Nicaragua; Nigeria; Norway; Panama; Papua New Guinea; Paraguay; Peru; Romania; Russian Federation; Saint Christopher and Nevis; Saint Lucia; Saint Vincent and the Grenadines; San Marino; Serbia and Montenegro; Seychelles; Sierra Leone; Singapore; Solomon Islands; South Africa; Sri Lanka; Swaziland; Switzerland; Tanzania; Thailand; Tonga; Trinidad and Tobago; Turkey; Tuvalu; Uganda; Ukraine; United States of America; Uruguay; Vanuatu; Western Samoa; Zambia and Zimbabwe."

If any of those people were to travel to any of the above countries, they could be arrested, held and transported to Spain for trial or sentencing and there wouldn't be a damn thing the United States could, or should, do to stop it.

In fact, you know what would be funny as hell in this case? Extreme Rendition. One of these countries on that list could form a team of crack commandos to just come into the U.S., snatch those 5 up and hustle them off for trial.

I mean hell, we've done it, so it can't be wrong. We don't break the law. What's to stop 'em?

It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.

I Need a Set of Salt & Pepper Shakers

You all know I like to cook. After my last divorce I spent some serious coin on some quality cookware and cutlery.

But I did so to the detriment of other important culinary presentation choices.

My salt & pepper shakers suck ASS. All of them! Everyone says so.

I need a new pair of salt & pepper shakers that embody the spirit and ideal of The Hip Suburban White Guy. Something elegant and classy. Maybe something like this.



If you were on a road trip and stopped at a cheesey souvenier shop, which salt & pepper shakers would you bring back and say "I saw these and thought of you!"?

Old School Movies

OK, the narrator is a bit douchey and I think he could have done a better job of explaining things, but he hits the basics.

One of my earliest jobs was as a projectionist (a promotion from usher and concession attendant) at the Cinema 21 movie theater in Excelsior Springs.

This was in the early '70's and we still used 40 year old Peerless Carbon Arc 35mm Projectors.



Yes, those are chimneys on the projectors. You needed those to dissipate the heat from the carbon rods.



It's essentially a welding iron supplying the light and an incredibly complicated mechanical gearing and timing mechanism to sync up the picture, the sound, and the hand off between the two projectors that coordinate the 6 reels of film.

Projecting a movie was a fairly elaborate and complicated dance that required impeccable timing and precision. It was fun.



We used to enjoy changing the sequence of the reels. Reel 1, Reel 6, Reel 3, Reel 5, etc. It was the 70's. Most of the audience was stoned out of their mind and if they couldn't follow things they just assumed it was one of them "foreign art films" and they pretended to "get it".

Fucking hippies!

This Bugs Me

I see this all the time, but I'll be damned if I can Google-image a pic of it.

What I see is husbands sitting in the car of supermarket parking lots waiting on their wives to do the grocery shopping.

What. The. FUCK?

What year do you think this is, dude? 1955?

Get your lazy, worthless ass out of the fucking car and at least go in with her! Push the fucking cart! Or go get items on the list and bring them back to the car. Fucking participate!

Or, here's a thought. How about YOU do the fucking grocery shopping by yourself and contribute a little something to the household chores?

I just don't get that at all. I've been married twice and I certainly had my flaws. But unless I had a broken leg or a perianal abcess, I'd never get by with that shit! Not that I'd want to. I think marriage (or any serious, long term relationship) is a 50/50 partnership devoid of any gender-based roles and responsibilities. Fuck that.

But what really blows me away is when the husband waiting in the car is sitting in the passenger seat! He didn't even fucking drive! How fucking useless are you douche bag? Do you bring anything at all to the table?

I saw that very thing just today. Young woman at Dollar General with two young kids in tow, looking for affordable, basic neccessities. She was leaving the same time I was.

Her useless, piece of shit baby-daddy/husband was sitting in the shotgun seat playing a hand held video game. Ass wipe!

I just want to slap the shit out of "men" like that. I have no patience with that crap.