Last Friday Absolutely Fiesty and I had lunch with Midtown Miscreant at Dagwoods on SW Blvd over greasy food served by skinny blondes who call everyone "honey", spend an inordinate amount of time dealing with domestic issues on their cell phones, and have a difficult time sorting out the checks.
It was a Perfect Storm of quirky bloggers, unique locations, and compelling conversation.
"Twitter is a free social networking and micro-blogging service that allows its users to send and read other users' updates (otherwise known as tweets), which are text-based posts of up to 140 characters in length.
Updates are displayed on the user's profile page and delivered to other users who have signed up to receive them."
MM does not particpate in the twitterverse. He thinks it is silly and a forum for people who are too lazy to spend the time it takes to actually write something of interest.
Personally, I use twitter as a social networking forum for inappropriate flirtations and last minute lunch hook ups.
However there are those who embrace the restrictive 140 characters of a "tweet" as a concentration of creativity. It's called micro-blogging.
The idea of micro-blogging is to paint a complete picture or tell a complete story in just 140 characters. The optimal, competitive form of this art craft is taking up the entire 140 characters leaving 0 characters available.
There are some bloggers who really excel at this.
My latest discovery was SheriMonk who captured my heart with the following tweet:
"You asshole doing 20 in a 60, go jerk off with sandpaper and take your fucking time, okay?"
That paints a picture. It tells a story.
Another perinneal favorite is CRSE. I love this woman.
"So let me get this straight. Poop on the face is ok but dead grammas cross the line?"
"Technically, she's cancer free so she isn't even really dying now". "You need to totally bring that up next time she pulls the cancer card"
"So you show up to the checkout on crutches thinking i'll let you cut. Well played sir, but not on my watch."
"Look, bro, I do love you, but can we just not tell the anal bead story at the christmas party this year? If not for my sake, then for dad's?"
But in my book, the absolute master micro-blogger is Trelvix. I offer the following evidence.
"I told her friends I was collecting ear wax for a bust of Lincoln that I was sculpting in the cellar. Yes. They are gone now. Advantage me."
"You know how kids cry when you tell them that the mashed potatoes are actually elf lips and butt fat? No? Well then neither do I"
"As more of a Sookie Stackhouse than a Buffy Summers, my daughter accepted her gifted copy of "Twilight" with graceful & deliberate contempt."
"To the co-worker who changed my Firefox home page to the Ursine Fetish Man-Love Association Network: Well-played. And beware."
"Honestly - it wasn't so much the Bugs Bunny impression as the eye patches and Yiddish beat poetry that made the meal weird. For me, I mean"
There is something creatively challenging about someone being presented with 140 blank characters and a dare, don't you think?
DISCLAIMER:The following expresses the opinion of the Hip Suburban White Guy amd does not reflect the opinion of the other Dagwood Summit participants.
Much more engaging and interesting than reading some local, bookmarked, one trick pony with a tiresome agenda who is only capable of cutting and pasting from other people's original content and making snarky comments about it.
I have a Special Friend coming over tomorrow night.
No, not that kind of Special.
The other kind of Special.
We're going to chill, have a couple (=more than a couple) of drinks, watch some movies and have supper. I'm cooking and she wants FRIED CHICKEN!
Now, I don't normally make fried chicken at home. If I want to eat fried chicken, I'll just pick some up at Price Chopper or Popeyes. All the great taste without the eggs and flour and grease and mess!
I didn't make it when I lived in Liberty because I had an expensive gas range and the thought of big pans of boiling oil sitting over open flames in a rented house scared the living shit out of me and would have terrified my Landlord!
But now I have an electric range and I'm willing to chance it.
For you heathens and newbies who don't know what I'm talking about, I'm republishing his recipe here, in his own words:
3. Dead chicken, I use wings or skinless breasts and cut em into strips. You use what you want.
4. Six eggs
5. Bunch of fuckin flour.
6. Salt
7. Pepper
8. Garlic, I use either powdered or minced
9. Onion powder
10. Old Bay Seasoning
11. Red pepper, powdered or crushed
12. One popcorn kernel
What to do with all this shit.
1. Put pot on stove and pour oil in till pots halfway filled. But don't turn on the heat yet.
2. Wash chicken in cold water, then rewash your fuckin hands. Always be with the hand washing!
3. Salt and pepper the chicken, then sprinkle with Old Bay Seasoning.
4. Take a large bowl and crack all six eggs into it. Then add small amount of garlic and Old Bay plus a bit of onion powder. Get one of those whippy things and whip the egg mix till all the shit blends together.
5. Add chicken and make sure it's all covered by egg mix then put in fridge.
6. Now go have a smoke or surf the net for a half hour or so.
7. Now you can turn on the stove. Medium high heat should do. You don't want it too hot no matter what that punkass Emrill says.
8. If you gots a gas stove you want the flame where it's just starting to spread under the middle of the pot. For electric stove you want high heat. Gas gets hotter you know.
9. Find a large paper sack and pour a shitload of flour into it. Add salt and pepper and also garlic to taste. Add onion powder and more Old Bay. Shake all this shit together. The mix is right when it smells good.
10. Throw popcorn kernel into pot of oil. As soon as it pops the oil's hot enough.
11. Take the bowl of egg washed chicken out of the fridge and put chicken into sack and shake like a muthafucker. Chicken should come out of bag fully coated.
12. Carefully lay chicken into hot oil, do not pack together but loosely. You cook this shit in batches.
13. Now here's the most important part!! Once chicken goes in do not fuckin touch it! If you've done what I've said the chicken should be completely covered by the oil. Now go sit your ass down somewhere. Hear the noise of the chicken frying? When the frying noise stops and the chicken floats, that means the chicken's done.
14. Carefully remove chicken from pot and lay on screen or paper towels. As soon as you do that sprinkle with salt.
Repeat cooking process till all chicken's cooked.
15. Add frozen fry's to the still hot oil. Cook to taste.
You will end up with crisp tasty that's not greasy or oily. And get this, it tastes better after a night in the fridge!
Enjoy!
*****
For a side, she wants "cheesy corn".
I had no fucking idea what she was talking about (not unusual BTW...one of the many reasons I enjoy her company) so I googled it and came up with this recipe:
*****
Smoke Stack Cheesy Corn Bake Recipe
This recipe is credited to Fiorella's Jack Stack Barbecue in Kansas City, MO. Nothing like Kansas City barbecue, and this is a very popular side dish served at the "Stack."
1¼ hours 30 min prep
SERVES 10 -12
2 tablespoons butter or margarine 4 teaspoons flour 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder 3/4 cup milk 1 1/2 cups sharp American cheese, shredded 1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, cut up 3 (10 ounce) packages frozen whole kernel corn, thawed 3 ounces diced ham
Melt butter; stir in flour and garlic powder. Add milk; cook & stir over medium heat. Heat until thick and bubbly; stir in cheeses. Cook/stir over low heat until cheeses melt; stir in corn & ham. Bake in 2 qt casserole for 45 minutes at 350.
*****
But she gave me a huge WTF on the ham, so I'll be leaving that shit out.
I may toss in some smashed spuds and gravy and some bread & butta.
I ran the numbers and by Christmas Eve we should both be about 300 lbs heavier.
2009 is going to involve some MAJOR lifestyle modifications for me.
Eighteen fucking kids. Do they even need medical staff at this point? I think not. It's not even "giving birth" any more in the sense that you and I think of it. It's more like rolling a bb down a freshly waxed hallway.
But don't be fooled by these people. They aren't just an incredibly fertile couple with a healthy sex life who love kids. Oh no. They have an agenda.
The Duggars are what are known as "Quiverfulls". You won't find any mention of "Quiverfulls" on their official Web Site (where they sell their book to help finance their religious fetish). Because they have to know that rational people would be saying "what the fuck is wrong with you people?" if they knew the truth.
But it's right there in their header if you know Biblespeak...
"Children are a heritage of the Lord - Psalm 127:3"
But the Quiverfull Web Site isn't trying to hide anything and they quote a bit more of the passage in their header...
"Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the Fruit of the Womb is His reward. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them... - Psalm 127:3,4,5"
They go on to say
"We exalt Jesus Christ as Lord, and acknowledge His headship in all areas of our lives, including fertility. We exist to serve those believers who trust the Lord for family size, and to answer the questions of those seeking truth in this critical area of marriage.
Whether your quiver is large or small, you are welcome. Come browse our articles and resources. Also, be sure to check out the QuiverFull Digest, our email discussion group that was started in 1995.
Dedicated to providing encouragement and practical help to those who are striving to raise a large and growing, godly family in today's world!"
But this wacko religious idea to have as many children as possible is more than just a faith fetish. It's a political movement.
"Quiverfull authors Hess and Hess, along with Joyce, also connect the proliferation of conservative politics as a motivation behind Quiverfull. Hess and Hess state,
When at the height of the Reagan Revolution the conservative faction in Washington was enforced with squads of new conservative congressmen, legislators often found themselves handcuffed by lack of like-minded staff. There simply weren't enough conservatives trained to serve in Washington in the lower and middle capacities.[2]
Hess and Hess continue by envisioning that the offspring of Quiverfull families might enter national and local politics to bring conservative majorities, publicly-funded education to bring the teaching of creationism, and business to adjure companies to adhere to what adherents see as Christian sensibilities.[2][6]"
This is all about birthing as many white, Christian babies as possible, indoctrinating them in narrow minded, intolerant, rascist, fundamental Christian views, and raising them up to be lawyers, politicians, judges and power brokers who will have the juice to force their fantasy-based bullshit down the throats of sane, rational human beings with the force of law.
So the next time you see a picture of that big, lovable Duggar clan,
remember that you are looking at a platoon of religious Nazis who want to force their way of life on you.
So I was out running some errands today up in Liberty. Having lived there for a couple of years I know how to get around on the back roads and side streets so as to keep traffic congestion and human interaction to a bare fucking minimum. Because I really don't like people very much. Scratch that...too many words again...I really don't like people. Period. Except for you, of course. And that babe over there with the great rack and the badonkadonk.
So I'm on Church Rd., if you can believe that shit. It runs parallel to 35 on the west side and it's a good way to get to the Liberty Walmart area and avoids the Holy Australian Clusterfuck that is the intesection of I-35 and 152.
I'm coming up on the Cedar Crest development. It's a bunch of duplexes that I looked into the last time I moved. They were all right. Just kind of plain and boring.
But not any fucking more! No sir! They now have what folks in Real Estate call a Distinguishing Feature. Something that sets them apart from other residential developments. Something to make them stand out from the crowd.
They have Robo-Jeebus.
(you should click to embiggen and get a better look...the backlighting was a bad idea)
Well, maybe not an actual Robo-Jeebus. I never saw him move. But he could still be a robot. He could just be standing sentinal like Gort in "The Day The Earth Stood Still" until the property manager says "Chrsito barada nicto" or something. Then he goes about righteously smiting delinquent duplex renters and collecting the fucking rent.
I've never been very good at estimating the size of things (other than my 14" penis), but this giganto-Jeebus has to be 25 or 30 feet tall. And I don't know if that is aluminum, or stainless steel or what the fuck it is.
The thing is, if it were in front of a church or something, it would be kinda cool and pretty impressive.
But it's not! It's just standing there in front of a bunch of duplexes for NO APPARENT REASON! That's fucked up!
I can just hear this conversation:
FRIEND 1: "Dood, I need to hook up with you to buy some blow and have some gay sex. How do I get to your place?"
FRIEND 2: "It's easy. Get on I-35 north and take the Pleasant Valley exit. Make a left, cross under the highway and then make a right on Church Rd. right by the QT there. Keep going until you see a shiny, 30 FOOT TALL, STAINLESS STEEL, GIANT FUCKING JESUS CHRIST SHOOTING DIVINE FUCKING DEATH RAYS FROM HIS FUCKING HEART!! That's me. Make a left. I'm 37B. Bring lube!"
I joined because it was free. I like free. And I took their silly personality profile thing. I guess you get what you pay for. Here is what they said about me...
Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.
The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.
Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.
Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
Openness
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.
High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.
How does your personality affect your love life?
With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.
Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
*****
All so complicated! Too many words!
It's easier just to classify me as a charming buffoon. Two words, four syllables. Easier to wrap your head around and just as accurate at predicting future behavior.
There is more fascinating news on the 100 Year Old Weblog about the aftermath of the raging gun battle that took place between police and a family of river-boating religous fanatics.
You have got to go over to the 100 Year Old Weblog and read this incredible story!
Apparently, 100 years ago, there was a raging gun battle in Kansas City between a family of religious fanatics and the police witnessed by about 500 spectators! The first shot was fired by a 12 year old girl! There was a "high speed pursuit" on the river!
I'm not kidding you, this would make one hell of a movie! A lot more dramatic than the Union Station Massacre.
The articles never come right out and say what religion the "fanatics" belonged to, but their belief that only 144,000 people will make it to Heaven is a big clue.
Seriously, I don't understand why I am just hearing about this now. There is definitely a part for Christopher Walken in this movie.
There is so much emotional and religious baggage associated with the word "marriage".
The religious right likes to harp on the idea that The Bible defines marriage as the sacred union between "one man and one woman". I defy anyone to find a passage from the Old Testament or a "quote" from Jesus that makes this distinction.
Let me save you some time. There aren't any.
There are some scattered references in the latter books of the New Testament that weigh in on the subject of marriage. But the Old Testament Jehovah and the New Testament Jesus never mention the subject.
In fact, the patriarch of monotheism, Abram/Abraham, the source of Judaism, Christianity and Islam, built his fortune pimping out his wife to various wealthy landed men in exchange for real estate, only to later expose the fraud, keep the land, and move on to the next sucker.
He was a con man who treatd his wife like a whore for his own profit! This was who Yahweh picked as "his main guy". His "chosen one". Was that a marriage between "one man and one woman"?
I seem to recall other Old Testament patriarchs having multiple wives, concubines and slaves with whom they had offspring. Were those arrangements marriages between "one man and one woman"?
Christians like to point out that the arrival and crucifixion of Jesus was like a renegotiation of the contract between God and man.
O.K., fine. Find me one quote...just one...anywhere in the New Testament, where Jesus himself defines the terms of marriage. He doesn't. There aren't any.
We need to separate legal rights from sacred sanction without creating 2nd class citizens.
Marriage, as an institution, is not defined by religious text. It is defined by legal text and precedent.
THE XO PLAN
States should define "marriage" as a secular, legal, bonding between two consenting, unrelated (outside of a defined parameter) adults that endows both parties with all of the traditional and legal privileges of any other marriage sanctioned by the state.
It should be a marriage. Not a civil union, but an actual marriage in the eyes and nomenclature of the state and just as binding by state and federal law as any other marriage. The defining certification is made by a civil official.
A separate ceremony, call it a Sacred Marriage or Eternal Bonding...whatever, may at the discretion of a religious institution be performed. It should carry all of the same legal weight and privileges as a civil ceremony. Religious institutions are completely free to make their own determinations based on their own scriptures and dogma as to what sort of unions they will grant their blessings. This determination may not, under any circumstances, be usurped by any government.
The secular laws determine what constitutes a marriage in legal terms and, by federal law, must be recognized and respected in all states. These laws must include both civil and sacred ceremonies.
The individual religious communities are free to define what they consider to be a valid marriage according to their standards and may impose whatever restrictions (giving communion, baptism, excommunication, etc.) as they see fit.
A couple may choose to have just a civil marriage, just a religious marriage, or both.
But they would all be equally binding marriages under state and federal law and they would all have the exact same benefits and privileges to both parties.
When it comes to determining rights in a court of law, it wouldn't matter if they had a secular marriage, a religous marriage, or both. All would be equal in the eyes of the law.
How could this possibly hurt or pose a threat to anyone?
Why should heterosexuals have a monopoly on emotional desolation, sexual blackmail and financial bondage?
Conservatives are always bemoaning the decline of marriage as young people choose to just live together rather than make a sacred, soul-binding, life long commitment before God Almighty.
What better way to preserve the institution of marriage than open it up to an entire demographic that doesn't know any better because they've never been exposed to its insidiousness?
As jaded, damaged, baggage-ridden heterosexuals abandon the ancient institution for the torturous, money draining, black hole of self esteem it has become, by all means, let us throw open the gates of marriage to the one group that wants to embrace the concept.
Gay Marriage is the only short term solution for rescuing the Institution Of Marriage from the ash heap of outmoded ideas.
If the LGBT community wants marriage...I say, let them have it.
I will gladly relinquish my place in line to anyone who wants it.
I got tagged by Atheist Homeschooler for the six random things about myself meme. Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you. (That's the underliney bit at the top.) 2. Post the rules on your blog. (That's what yer reading.) 3. Write six random arbitrary things about yourself.(That's what yer on pins and needles waiting for. GET ON WITH IT!!!!) 4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. (I won't be doing this) 5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog. (I won't be doing this either.) 6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up. (I may or may not do this. It's very, very late)
Random Fact XO #1: One of my first jobs was as an usher in a movie theatre. Back when they still had flashlight-toting, facsist ushers. My first night on the job I kicked out 7 people before the intermission. One of them was my sister.
Random Fact XO #2: I used to drive an Ice Cream truck. Looking back, driving around all day long at 3 mph, ringing a bell, dispensing frozen joy seems like a pretty good fucking job! Not a lot of stress.
Random Fact XO #3: I used to drive a Taxi Cab in Raytown back in the late 70's. My best tip EVER was being invited inside by a female passenger 20 years my senior who needed a ride home from a bar. I remember it well, though I doubt she does. I still had shoulder length hair and was wearing blue jeans and a fringed, suede, leather jacket. She was wearing a green, polyester business suit that reeked Real Estate Agent. I was out of radio communication with the dispatcher for several hours. Good times!
Random Fact XO #4: I once chipped a front tooth going ass over tea kettles peddaling a tricycle that I was far too old and big for down a broken up driveway. One tooth is still shorter than the other.
Random Fact XO #5: My first car was a 1963 Galaxy 500. Bought it for $90.00. I owned it for a year, but it only ran for about 6 months. Not 6 continuous months. But a few days here, a few days there...it probably totaled up to about 6 months.
Random Fact XO #6: One of my favorite things in the entire world is just being at home in comfy clothes, fixing comfort food, snuggling up with a woman I care about, and watching movies. It doesn't get any better than that.
